2023

“Golf is like a love affair. If you don’t take it seriously, it’s no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart.” – Arthur Daley

Ten months had passed since James buried a fifty-foot putt to close out the ’22 Cup, giving the Blue Team its second victory in the series. Not quite as long a gap as there was from year two to year three, but a lot happened in that timespan. The boys were set to embark on their fourth campaign in Michigan toward the end of June, only to find out that Storm and his wife were also set to have their first baby that same week. After the congratulations and best wishes, the boys gave their obligatory ball-busting to Storm that he couldn’t keep it in his pants for another couple months to allow for the Danza to arrive unimpeded, as it was difficult enough to get everyone’s schedules to align in the first place. Once the wave of congratulations and jokes had passed, it was back to the drawing board. During this same time of re-schedule planning, there Trey was, lurking in the shadows with the secret that he had also gotten his wife pregnant, and she too, was due the same week as the originally scheduled trip in June. Once Trey officially made the announcement, it became all the more hilarious learning of the fact Trey had let Storm fall on that sword alone, taking one for the team as the boys ribbed on him. 

Figuring it would be more difficult to schedule it later on in the summer or even the fall, as Storm and Trey would be caring for a newborn infant, we elected to move it forward to the beginning of May. The challenge of an early May Danza presented the problem we had faced two years earlier: cold weather and rain/snow, especially if we were to stick with our agreed upon location of Michigan. So priority numero uno was selecting a different location, preferably somewhere in the south. Being the unorganized group of guys that we are, instead of looking up golf courses first, we searched for cool Airbnb’s that we could stay at. And find a cool one we did, down in Dallas, Texas. So what did we do next? We waited to book that house. We waited and waited. And then, when it came time that we really had to start booking things, that house was already booked for that weekend. So I know what you’re thinking: that house is no longer available, why don’t we step back and pick a place that is known for their golf courses. Did we do that? Absolutely not. We just simply booked a less desirable house in Dallas, still without looking at a single golf course. So to recap, we chose Dallas as our destination based on a really cool Airbnb, didn’t end up being able to book said Airbnb, never once looked at a golf course, and then booked a non-refundable, less-cool Airbnb in Dallas. So there you have it, how to plan a trip 101, teach it at the university level.

After the house was set in stone, we booked four courses somewhat in the area and that was that, the Danza was officially scheduled. It worked out well that we moved it up to May rather than back to the fall, as both West and Felton would later announce that they too had gotten their wives pregnant and each were due toward the end of summer/early fall. It was the year of sex-having for the fellas. Four of the eight Danza members, an even 50%, would be fathers following this year’s Danza—the last Cup where Trey would be the only one possessing that ever-beneficial dad-strength.

There was one caveat, however. Similar to how we dropped PJ from the Danza following 2020 to bring Jeremy on board, the 2022 Danza would be the last edition to feature Johnny Belancic. There was a new addition to the crew this year—Keith Burnette. Who is Keith, you ask? Not a clue. Didn’t matter. After Felton got ahold of his golf guy down in Dallas to book the courses, the decision was made and it was out of our hands.

Mike drives a hard bargain, and he made the executive call to eliminate Johnny from Danza contention. Tough, but fair. Keith was the newest member of the Red Team. This was all until Felton had to call Mike back and absolutely ream his ass out, demanding he put Johnny back in the group (politely emailed him saying there must’ve been a mixup). Thankfully Mike yielded to Felton’s unrelenting rage (you know how Felton is) and gave Johnny his seat back at the table. It’s kind of sad though, the gang was already starting to grow fond of Keith. Forever an honorary member of the Red Team, he will be missed but never forgotten. 

Arrival Day

The weekend seemed like it was already heading in Red’s favor, simply based on the Airbnb’s vivacious red door, not to mention Texas being well-known politically as a Red State… or at least that was what the Red Team was telling themselves to stay confident in lieu of their two-year losing streak. After utilizing Johnny’s famous randomizer, the boys were assigned to their rooms, and following the unpacking, the crew were met with multiple surprises of thematic gifts from various fellow Danza participants capitalizing on the most recent addition of Danza lore—the logo. 

Did we go overboard? Eh, some would argue we didn’t go over the top enough. Storm also made a handy-dandy Danza Cup carrying case for convenient airfare travel.

After the unveiling of all the gifts, we freshened up and were headed out for the traditional Pre-Tournament Dinner. This year’s dinner was at Lawry’s - The Prime Rib steakhouse. 

Pre-Tournament Dinner

The customary stares and questions about the blazers remain as inevitable as the sun rising, again met with the usual half-ass Tony Danza golf tournament explanation. After exchanging pleasantries with strangers, the boys were buzzin’. We’re always excited for the Pre-Tournament Dinner, but it seemed we were especially excited about this year’s. We all certainly had high expectations for the food. Getting a nice rare cut of prime rib in Dallas, Texas, I mean cmon, what was there not to have high hopes about. We ordered our cocktails and upon reviewing the menu, it was clear the whole gang had their eyes set on the Diamond Jim Brady Cut—an extra thick, bone-in slab of meat. Curious as to the name Diamond Jim Brady, we obviously googled it; Diamond Jim Brady, according to his Wikipedia, was an American businessman, financier and philanthropist from Manhattan, New York. On said wikipedia page, it states, “Brady’s enormous appetite was as legendary as his wealth, though modern experts believe it was greatly exaggerated. It was not unusual, according to the legend, for Brady to eat enough food for ten people at a sitting. George Rector, owner of a favorite restaurant, described Brady as ‘the best 25 customers I ever had.’” It would also say that upon his death via heart attack, Brady’s autopsy revealed that his stomach was six times the size that of an average person. Alright, I’m getting off course, this isn’t a write up about how much food Diamond Jim Brady could eat… you can refer to my newsletter for that.

Anyhoo, all eight of us ended up ordering the DJB. The waiter, along with the chef, rolled up with a mobile prime rib carving station. I gotta say, the presentation was 10/10. The waiter then proceeded to ask each of us, in succession, “How would you like your Diamond Jim Brady cooked?” I thought after maybe the first couple he was going to switch the phrase to something that wasn’t such a mouthful, like, “How would you like your prime rib?”, or “How would you like yours?” or even just a simple, “And you?” seeing as he already knew we were all getting the DJB. But no, this man was a professional; one who has pride in his work, and no shortcuts would be taken. So onward he proceeded: 

“How would you like your Diamond Jim Brady cooked?” 

“How would you like your Diamond Jim Brady cooked?” 

“How would you like your Diamond Jim Brady cooked?”

“How would you like your Diamond Jim Brady cooked?” 

“How would you like your Diamond Jim Brady cooked?” 

“How would you like your Diamond Jim Brady cooked?”

“How would you like your Diamond Jim Brady cooked?”

Along with the DJB’s, the waiter hyped up their famous spinning salad, emphasizing that it was a restaurant specialty recipe that has gone UNCHANGED FOR SIXTY YEARS. The anticipation for that first bite was palpable. Finally, enough presentation, it was time to dig in. And so we did. And it was, well, it was certainly food, that’s for sure. We all hesitantly looked around, no one wanting to be the one to admit that the prime rib was mediocre at best and the spinning salad was actual feces at worst. Diamond Jim Brady himself, known for eating roughly eighty steaks in a single sitting, would not have been able to finish that salad unless he was a masochist or had a gun pointed in the general direction of his skull. Recipe unchanged for sixty years they say. The best time to change the recipe for that salad was sixty years ago, the second best time is now. Not to go full-on Yelp review during a golf tournament write up, but to sum it up, I would eat the DJB again if it was given to me for free and it was a hungover Sunday with no other food in the fridge. As for the spinning salad, I wouldn’t touch it if I was stranded on an island screaming for a volleyball named Wilson. And none of this is to place blame on James, the ’22 MVP who was responsible for picking the restaurant, because on paper it sounded like the real deal and looked absolutely delicious. It just didn’t live up to the hype.

But alright, that’s enough food critique. Despite the subpar meal, the night itself was lovely as always, filled with laughter and friendship. As protocol, we covered all the rules and tournament structure, sang All Star in unison, finalized our bets, and that was that. Another Pre-Tourney Dinner in the books, and once again, all that was left to do, was play.

“That’s your business to write the story. It’s my business to make the story.” – Tom Watson on potentially winning The Open Championship at age 59

Day I

Round I: Best Ball – Tour 18, Dallas, TX

Back-to-back years we were playing a World Tour type course. We had so much fun at the last one in Myrtle we figured what the hell, why not do it again? Similar to World Tour in Myrtle, Tour 18 would also feature TPC Sawgrass’ island green and Augusta’s Amen Corner, with the addition of the famous church pew bunkers of Oakmont. The website gave some spotty reviews at best, ranging from “What a great experience!! Very fun course to play! Course was in great shape! Loved the history behind every hole as well! We’ll be back!” to “Such a disappointing round for the price. Tour 18 should be embarrassed about this course and the fact they charged $90 to play 18. Complete waste of money. Also, it is an absolute joke they said they provided a $10 discount for the condition of the course. Don’t forget to get your hotdog at the turn because you just paid $90 for it. Should dispute the charge because this isn’t a golf course, it is a cow pasture between million dollar homes.” and everything in between. So it was a coin flip, but a risk we were willing to take, as World Tour in Myrtle had the exact same type of reviews on their site and it was one of the group’s favorite courses, and also of course due to the gang’s affinity toward coin flips in general when it comes to Danza decisions. 

Thursday of the Danza, Day One. Arguably, if not unanimously, the Danza boys’ favorite day of the year. It’s like if Christmas Day and Masters’ weekend had a love child, it would be this day. It was a perfectly sunny day with a light breeze and morning dew on the ground—the Cadillac of golf weather. The boys rolled up to that clubhouse in their respective team cars, smiling ear to ear as John Daly’s “Hit It Hard” played on. We hit the range and the putting greens to get warmed up, and as those last moments of the year-long painful yet beautiful anticipation fleeted, it was time to head to the first tee box. We had established a new tradition during our annual round table discussion over dinner this year, in that instead of the C/D group always heading out first with the defending champs’ D-player taking the opening swing, we decided the ceremonial opening swing would be taken by the previous year’s MVP. This year would feature James McFadden taking the inaugural swing, and with his tournament sealing fifty-foot putt in ’22 now in the rearview, he was ready for another clean slate. 

The A/B matchup is definitively the best golf collectively being played of the entire tournament, so this round is always up for grabs and can go to either team any given year. James’ tee shot went dead right out of bounds, not his best work, but that comes with the added pressure of taking the opening shot of the tournament after all the anticipation and excitement. Good shot, bad shot, didn’t matter, the tournament was underway. Blue went on to bogey the first as Red parred, and right from the get-go there would be a definitive result, giving Red the 1-Up advantage. On the second hole, James got it back on track with a tee shot in the fairway and had a short wedge in. He carried out his 54° and 60° wedges to decide which one to hit. He elected to go with the 60° and had a perfect strike. Unfortunately for him, the ball soared twenty yards long into the back bunker. Confused and angry at what felt like a good strike turned out to end poorly, James only realized as he put his clubs back in the bag that he hit the 54° by accident. Blue wound up losing the second hole as well, starting 2-Down and feeling the frustration of a self-inflicted mistake. James told Felton in the moment, this especially hurt since he’d made fun of Storm extensively for mistakenly mixing up his six- and nine-irons on numerous occasions in the past.

It was a slow start for the defending champs, but after shaking off the early round jitters they quickly bounced back with a par to Red’s bogey on three and followed with a birdie to Red’s par on four to square things off. The first par-3 of the day came on the fifth. The pin was in the front and the green sloped severely back-to-front. James played a pitching wedge to a great spot and the gang watched on as it slowly trickled down the slope, quickly putting that hole-in-one pot money in jeopardy and the boys began to roar, interrupting the chip shots of the C/D group behind them and piquing their curiosity. The ball ultimately stopped a few feet shy of an all time Danza moment. James actually ended up missing the birdie-putt, but it didn’t matter as Red ended up bogeying. And just like that, Blue fired off three straight holes, taking a 1-Up lead and shifting the momentum in their favor.

Blue dropped the sixth with a bogey, and the first halved-hole of the day came on seven. Red took the eighth before the boys headed to the replica TPC Sawgrass #17 to close out the front nine. A couple balls in the water later and both Red and Blue would each have one ball on the green. James hit a nice lag putt from the upper shelf of the tiered green to about six to eight feet before knocking in the par-putt. Red couldn’t convert their par chance, settling for bogey and dropping the hole. Despite eight of the nine holes having a definitive result, neither team had anything to show for it. All-square through the front.

Unfortunately for the Blue Team, this was the juncture in which they would fall apart, as they would bogey three of the next four holes while Red maintained an even-keel, parring each hole and taking a 3-Up lead with five to play. But it wouldn’t require five more holes, as each team went score for score over the next three, ending the match prematurely with a 3&2 victory for Red. As the boys would later say, there wasn’t too much crazy excitement about this match as there was the year before. No 150-foot putts or a dramatic finish on eighteen. Other than Blue’s birdie on four, no team would score better than a par or worse than a bogey on any of the remaining holes. Red took control after the turn and like a boa constrictor they maintained their stranglehold and very slowly, yet relentlessly, squeezed until their opponents had no more life. The first point of the tournament belonged to the Red Team, but there were nine more points out there; this party was only getting started.

Next up was the C/D matchup. Johnny and Storm, who remain winless as teammates in the Best Ball matchup, were feeling good heading in and were looking to finally notch their first tally in the win column, while Jeremy and Blatt remained stoic and confident as a pairing to keep the Red boys winless yet another year. They hit their tee shots and the Danza party was underway for the whole squad. Johnny’s ball went way left, ending up in driving range territory, and despite the massive amount of range balls lying around, he was able to locate his Callaway Triple Track just past the last of the trees with a clear shot to the green. He hit a sand wedge shot from seventy-nine yards just to the right of the green, pin-high. None of the other fellas were able to land the green. Johnny followed up with a precision green-side chip to four-feet. The Blue Team boys were unable to find par on the opening hole, each tapping in for bogey. Johnny was able to lock in and nail the knee-knocker four-footer to take the first hole for Red. Back-to-back years it wouldn’t take more than one hole for a team to be on the board 1-Up; the previous year that honor belonged to Blue, and this year Red was able to turn the tables. 

Similar to ’22, the scorecard's ups and downs and back and forths on the front nine would make for one hell of a ride at Kennywood. The Blue Team would takes holes two and three, followed by Red taking four and five, and finally the first halved-hole coming on six, after what was a bad start for Red ended up with Johnny getting up and down from 145 yards out, burying a downhill fifteen-foot putt for par, followed by Jeremy missing a six-foot birdie-putt to his and Blatt’s frustration, as it appeared that hole was theirs to lose. Another halved-hole on seven and Red would increase their advantage to 2-Up with Storm knocking in his par-putt on eight before heading to the replica TPC island green to close out the front nine. Always an intimidating shot just staring at that island, but surprisingly of this gang of rag-tag golfers, only Blatt’s ball would go swimming. The other three fellas had birdie-putts. Johnny went first from the fringe, placing his ball on a perfect line but hitting it with too much gas, as the ball rammed dead center into the flagstick and popped out to several feet away. Jeremy went next and got it close, but no cigar, tapping in for par. Johnny went for his par-putt and also missed by a couple inches resulting in a bogey. Storm went last with a legitimate birdie opportunity from approximately seven- to eight-feet to widen their lead to 3-Up. He gave it a run but it didn’t quite make it. He would tap-in for par to halve the hole and end the front nine with the Red boys 2-Up. Storm and Johnny were feeling confident, but there was still a lot of golf left to be played.

The back nine would start with Johnny hooking his ball into the church pew bunkers, where he wouldn’t recover and had to pick up. Storm had a nice tee shot but things went south from there, finishing with a double-bogey to Blue’s bogey and bringing Red’s lead to 1-Up. Blatt stepped up on the eleventh, scoring the group’s only par and bringing the match back to even. On the 140-yard par-3 twelfth, both Jeremy and Johnny went pin-seeking, arguably each of their best shots of the round. From ~ten feet, Johnny would miss his birdie chance, tapping in for par. Jeremy didn’t feel like wasting this glorious opportunity to notch a two on the scorecard and take their first lead since hole three, as he knocked in his eight-footer, giving Blue all the momentum.

The thirteenth was a bit of a circus act for the boys, and honestly a microcosm of what the C/D matchup is at heart—sheer recklessness. Jeremy’s drive went right, pinning him behind a tree and requiring him to play his next shot left to avoid the branches. And play it left he did. He may have also utilized a Howitzer rather than a golf club when the Red Team wasn’t looking, because his ball went soaring into orbit before crashing down to Earth on the roof of the house to the left of the fairway, knocking a clay shingle clean off. He immediately just called it quits on the hole and went into hiding to avoid paying any damage fees. Johnny had his only good drive of the back nine but immediately squandered it by chunking his eighty-yard approach shot and then again mis-hitting his next couple shots en route to a no-score, joining Jeremy as a spectator while the D-players battled it out. Storm reached the green in regulation and had himself a makable birdie-putt. Blatt had to chip his third shot from behind the green going into a downslope. By the looks of everything this was Red’s hole to lose. Blatt hit it onto the green, rolling his ball past the hole and ending up in a similar spot as Storm’s ball. Both guys were putting from roughly the same location with Storm up a stroke, but if we learned anything from the D-players putting battles over the years, it is that it’s never over until the balls are in the cup. Blatt hit his putt to a few feet. A two-putt from Storm would take the hole and bring the match back to even. He left his lag-putt about four-feet short. Blatt knocked his in for bogey, and with a chance to square the match, Storm burnt the edge on his par-putt. Blue Team Remained 1-Up.

The wind appeared to be out of the Red Team’s sails, as Johnny once again had a horrific tee shot and wouldn’t finish the hole while Jeremy notched a bogey to Storm’s double-bogey giving Blue a 2-Up lead. Jeremy continued the momentum for Blue, posting the only par on the fifteenth to give Blue a 3-Up cushion with three to play, mathematically preventing Red from having any delusions of grandeur of achieving victory. Finishing up with Amen Corner, it was Blatt that clutched up for the Blue Team, notching a bogey on the sixteenth while Jeremy bowed out, matching the Red Team’s bogey and ending the match with a 3&2 victory for Blue. What started as a great front nine for Red ended in a dominant back nine for Blue, as Jeremy and Blatt didn’t drop a single hole and won five of seven to close it out. While Jeremy and Blatt continue their undefeated streak, Storm and Johnny remain winless as partners and will have to wait another year to try again.

West/Trey vs. James/Felton – 3&2 Red

Johnny/Storm vs. Jeremy/Blatt – 3&2 Blue

Red Team: 1

Blue Team: 1

“There is no such thing as natural touch. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls." – Lee Trevino

Round II: Scramble – Waterchase Golf Club, Fort Worth, TX

Reminiscent to the scramble round at Tidewater in ’22, this year would also be played on a course known for its numerous water hazards, hence the name Waterchase. It was an intimidating looking track based off the course layout shown on 18 Birdies—official sponsor of The Danza Cup, basically—but if there’s any round for the course to be brutally difficult, it’s the scramble round; which historically speaking, has been the case for every Danza thus far, with the exception of possibly ’22 with TPC Myrtle being harder than Tidewater, so it was nothing the boys weren’t used to. And, similar to the previous year’s hot and humid climate, we would be challenged by that sweltering Texas heat. The Danza wasn’t made for the weak.

The first group out was West and Storm vs. Felton and Blatt. Though West and Storm have a scramble win together in year one over Blatt and a violently sick PJ, they have yet to beat the undefeated pairing of Felton and Blatt, who stand at a 3-0 record counting their best ball victory together in year one. West and Storm were determined to get that monkey off their back while Felton and Blatt were equally determined to maintain their unblemished record, and in the two prior years that this matchup has taken place, it’s been the most electrifying group of all.

The party got started quick in this round, as Blue fired off a birdie on hole one to take the early lead and to send a message—you come at the king, you best not miss. Each team would par the next hole before heading to the ambitious, 521-yard par-5 that had a cute little, totally non-threatening patch of water separating the end of the fairway and the green. Felton and Blatt had a nice drive out there distance-wise, but it sailed right and they were fighting some tree branches. Blatt went first to safely lay up, and he placed it right where he needed to—in the fairway just before the water. This gave Felton leeway to let it rip. And let it rip he did…

But it just quite didn’t have the distance… as amazing of a shot as that was, it came up short and went scuba diving. Both teams finished the hole with safe pars. Red came back with a birdie of their own on the fourth to even the match, but Blue shot right back with their second birdie of the day on six to get their lead back. From there, Red would bogey seven and nine to close out the front, giving Blue a domineering 3-Up lead. 

Not ready to step on their throats quite yet, Blue had their first bogey of the day on ten, cutting their lead to 2-Up. But that’s as close as Red would get, as they bogeyed eleven and fourteen, while Blue was perfectly content just parring every hole. 4-Up with four to play and an inability for Blue to lose, the match was all but a foregone conclusion, the rest was but a mere formality. Each team parred the fifteenth and that would do it; a 4&3 victory for the Blue Team, stretching Felton and Blatt’s career record as teammates to 4-0. Unlike the previous two years, this round lacked the magic and excitement that their preceding rounds had. No fighting through hurricanes; no back-breaking one-and-a-half-foot missed putts on the eighteenth; nothing crazy memorable, just a good old fashioned push around. It never appeared to be in doubt for Blue, they were just the better team this day, and proved once again how difficult they are to beat. They shall remain undefeated another year. They are.. inevitable.

“Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result.” – Tommy Armour

The next group out was Trey and Johnny vs. James and Jeremy. When it comes to the scramble round, similar to Felton and Blatt of the Blue Team, Trey and Johnny have been the Red Team’s version of the 800-pound gorilla. Having tormented James and Jeremy with their ridiculous putting the past two years, and having defeated James and Felton the year before that, they remained the only other pairing with a perfect 3-0 record. Winning breeds confidence, and confidence breeds winning, and in this positive feedback loop, Trey and Johnny were as confident as ever they would continue their magic another year and extend their record to 4-0. James and Jeremy on the other hand, were ready to end this vicious cycle and finally get on the board. The boys took their posts on the tee box of the 379-yard par-4 first hole and gave it their best whacks. Each team had a nice one out there, and both teams followed with good approach shots, giving themselves a look at birdie. The Blue Team was up first, and despite their best efforts they couldn’t get it to drop, having to tap-in for par. Left with approximately ten-feet or less for birdie, the Red Team was looking to take the early lead. Both Trey and Johnny gave it a hell of a run but ultimately came up an inch short. The Blue Team certainly dodged a bullet, and for a hot second the Red Team thought they were going to pick up where they left off last year with their putters of fire. All-square through one.

What would happen over the next eight holes was unlike anything in Danza history to date. It started on the par-3 second hole. Each team would have nice shots onto the green. Red putted first, as they were out, and once again gave it a hell of a run, but still, just not quite good enough. They were dancing all around the cup but couldn’t get it to fall through two. Jeremy lined it up first for the Blue Team, and from quite the distance, he banged it in for birdie with authority, giving Blue the 1-Up advantage. On the par-5 third hole, the Red Team was looking to bounce back, and Trey took it upon himself to blast a drive out there and follow up with an incredible 3-wood shot, reaching the green in two, giving Red an eagle opportunity and a nice momentum boost. Unfortunately for Red, James matched Trey shot-for-shot, and he too, landed the green in two, deflating some of that excitement from the Red Team. Red went first with roughly fifteen feet left for eagle. They gave it a nice run, and yet again, came up inches shy of falling. It’s not often a tap-in birdie feels like failure, but after Trey’s two incredible shots, mixed with the fact they’ve had three putts miss by a collective six inches, frustration was setting in. Blue gave it their best run at eagle, but they also just barely missed. They tapped in for birdie as well to halve the hole, something that isn’t particularly common, but this round was about to be very uncommon.

On the par-4 fourth, Blue was in for birdie again to extend their lead to 2-Up. On the par-4 fifth, Blue knocked in their fourth consecutive birdie to take a 3-Up lead. On the par-5 sixth, Red decided to piss down their leg and record a nice snowman on the card. As for the Blue Team you ask? You guessed it, five in a row. Five consecutive birdies. Five-under through six holes. It was an absolute putting clinic. Everything they touched, dropped. It was remarkable, as I said, unlike anything any of us have seen before at the Danza. James and Jeremy were finally giving Trey and Johnny a taste of their own medicine, as this putting display is what James and Jeremy had to deal with for back-to-back years, and as retribution, they decided to flip the script and turn their putting prowess up to the Nth degree. As both teams would now know, it is definitely more enjoyable being on the side of making every putt. And as joyful as that is, equally miserable is being short of the cup, long of the cup, left of the cup, right of the cup, on top of the cup, all around and everywhere in between the cup except in the cup. Couple that with having to watch your opponents seamlessly bury every putt in sight from every kind of distance and break imaginable and that’s enough to assassinate team morale. And that’s precisely what the Red Team was dealing with. Still yet, Red gave it their all to maintain a positive attitude and never give up, though with how Blue was playing, it would be a mountain to climb.

Each team would par seven and eight. After an errant tee shot nearly out of bounds for Red, they were forced to punch out from the trees, and then would leave their approach shot ten yards short of the green. Whoever had bet the under of 0.5 chip-ins for the tournament was out some money, as Johnny pulled out the ole reliable Texas wedge and buried an uphill putt from ten-yards off the green. Not exactly a “chip-in” per se, but that’s how it would show up on the stat sheet, if there were one. It was the spark the Red Team needed to pick things up and turn this ship around. But that feeling of hope and excitement was fleeting, because following Blue’s perfect drive and excellent approach shot, they drilled a fifteen-foot downhill putt for their sixth birdie of the front nine, establishing themselves a very comfortable 5-Up lead.

I know the Danza is a match-play event and the score is kept by holes won and lost rather than counting strokes, but there is something to be said about six birdies in nine holes. A six-under score of thirty. Any time you’re posting a thirty-burger on a set of nine, it doesn’t matter if you’re playing stroke-play, match-play, whatever-play, odds are you’re dominating. Other than Red’s one blowup hole, they played the remaining eight holes at one-under. They were doing well in their own right, but one birdie in nine holes wasn’t going to stop the steamroller that was the Blue Team this day. The back nine began with Johnny hitting a homing missile of a putt through a double-break from roughly forty-feet dead center of the cup, only for it to slam into the flag pole and pop out. It was a slap in the face to the Red Team. All they could do was laugh, and all Blue could say was “I’m sorry…” After that, nothing particularly eventful happened, neither team would knock in any further birdies. They went shot-for-shot, parring ten and eleven, halving twelve with bogeys and thirteen with pars before Red would win their first and only hole of the day with a par on fourteen. The teams halved fifteen with pars off of a back-breaking midrange, downhill putt from Jeremy to end the match. And that was that; a 4&3 victory for the Blue Team. 

The Blue Team brought their absolute A-game this round from tee to green. At one point their tee shot went way left and they were stuck under some trees, requiring them to punch out. James punched out straight right to the middle of the fairway to about 100 yards out. Jeremy then took the more risky hero punch shot through several trees and came out unscathed, albeit he ended up behind a green-side bunker into a down-sloping green. All the while Red had a perfect drive and approach shot to seven-feet. Blue elected to play James ball from a hundred out rather than taking Jeremy’s chip shot. It seemed like an interesting choice at the time, but after James stuck his ball to fifteen-feet and Jeremy knocked in the putt for par, it looked like they made the right decision. It was a demoralizing moment for Red and they ultimately went on to miss their birdie-putt and had to settle for a rather disappointing halved-hole. It was things like this that defined the round. Blue was the better team that day and rightfully earned their first win in this matchup. Jeremy especially had the round of the day. Aside from his electric putter, he also had his best drives of the tournament combined with solid irons. James and Jeremy finally found their groove and the team chemistry they had been searching for the past couple years. James read the putts, Jeremy knocked them in. It was a lethal combo and more than Red could handle that day. Despite the utter domination, Red stayed positive and fought ‘til the very end. But it would’ve taken a Herculean performance to beat Blue on this specific day. Red didn’t play bad, they just ran into a buzzsaw.

West/Storm vs. Felton/Blatt – 4&3 Blue

Trey/Johnny vs. James/Jeremy – 4&3 Blue

Blue Team: 3

Red Team: 1

Day II

“When it’s grim, be the Grim Reaper.” – Andy Reid

Things were looking bleak for the Red Team following the Blue Team’s trouncing in the scramble round. This is the two-time defending champs were talking about here, and Red just gave them a two-point lead heading into Day Two. Like giving prime Tiger Woods the lead in a major heading into Sunday, good luck getting it back. But on the car ride over, the Red Team were hyping each up, doing everything they could to stay positive and confident that the pendulum was bound to swing in their favor. The Blue team on the other hand was ready to step on their throats and finish this thing off. At the end of the day, each team can hype themselves up and talk that talk all they want, but everyone still has to go out and play thirty-six holes of golf and prove it.

Round III: Alternate Shot – Coyote Ridge Golf Club, Carrollton, TX

The modified alt-shot may not only be the collective group’s favorite round of the tournament, but arguably their favorite round of the entire year. Possibly because it’s the only time this specific type of round is ever played. Nobody really wants to do it during the year because quite frankly, golf is too expensive to only pay for half the shots. But in the Danza, it is more than well-worth the money, and because it is the only time we do it, that’s what makes it unique and gives it that little extra bit of charm. What makes this round so great is the volatility of it all. Of the three team-centric rounds, this is the one that most heavily relies on both players playing well in order to win. In scramble and best ball, if any one player is playing lights out, they theoretically can carry their team to victory. Conversely, in the alt-shot, if any one player is having a bad day, they can single-handedly derail their team’s chances of winning, regardless of how well their teammate is playing. In a predominately individual sport, this is golf’s most team-oriented event there is, and that’s what makes it beautiful. Historically speaking, the Red Team has gotten the best of the Blue Team in this event, with a combined record of 4-2 in Red’s favor, so if they were in fact going to turn this thing around, it had to start with the alt-shot.

The first pairing out was West and Johnny vs. Felton and Jeremy. The round started with a 330-yard par-4. None of the boys had particularly great drives to start. Red found themselves far left, next to the road behind a wall of trees. With a crisp strike of the ball, Johnny was able to clear the trees, but he ultimately cleared the green as well and got in a tough spot behind the putting surface. Meanwhile the Blue Team’s approach shot went right, and they found themselves on the driving range, just on the other side of the protective net that blocks the first green. Right from the jump the boys found themselves in a ruling controversy. Was it OB, yay or nay? That was the great question. It really wasn’t that far away from the green all things considered. It went right, sure, but it wasn’t so wildly right that you would consider it out-of-bounds under normal circumstances. It would’ve been no more than a twenty, thirty-yard chip shot had there not been a giant net in the way. But that was the dilemma; there was a giant net in the way, and the ball was resting on the driving range. If anything it was just poor course/driving range design. The Blue Team left it up to the Red Team to make the official ruling. As we have said before, this is a gentlemen’s game, and while we are all extremely competitive when we’re out there on the course, we are gentlemen first, and the Red Team officially ruled the ball in-play. Hitting a ~twenty-yard flop shot over the net proved to be a difficult task, and the Blue team ended up taking a double-bogey to Red’s bogey, giving Red the 1-Up lead. It all worked out, what started as a controversial ruling turned into a gentlemanly agreement, and Red won the hole anyway, no harm, no foul.

On the par-5 second hole, it was Red’s honors and Johnny was first to drive. He was able to hit what was probably his best drive of the weekend to that point, which was then also aided by two or three separate fortuitous bounces along the cart path, sending his ball hilariously farther than anticipated, before settling in the fairway, roughly 330 yards from the location of first contact—far and away the longest drive he had ever hit in his life. Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good. West’s tee shot was a mere formality, simply a practice swing to get loose, knowing full-well he wasn’t matching that. After a few expletives in regards to the Red Team’s absurdly beneficial outcome, the Blue Team followed with respectable drives in their own right. Not the Happy Gilmore-distance the Red Team was blessed with, but respectable nonetheless. As Felton and Jeremy parked their cart next to their ball, West and Johnny waved goodbye as they continued their journey onward into another zip code, eventually crossing state lines before reaching their destination that was Johnny’s ball. Upon arrival, they pulled out their range finders, more or less to use as binoculars so they could see the ant-sized Felton and Jeremy in the horizon hit their second shot. Despite Johnny’s magnum drive traveling a monster distance, they weren’t able to convert it into anything special and disappointedly settled for par. However, by the time Felton and Jeremy traversed the Oregon Trail-like gap that separated them and the Red Team, it appeared their game had fallen ill of dysentery, as they pooped their ball up the fairway and eventually settled for bogey, giving Red a 2-Up lead.

Ready to shake off this 2-hole deficit the Blue Team found themselves in, Felton took it upon himself to land the green on the 180-yard par-3 third hole, sparking some momentum for the Blue Team, as Red ended up way left of the green. Johnny gave it his best effort to chip up to the green, but having to clear a mound to get it there, he was unable to put the right touch on it to prevent it from rolling off the other side of the green onto the fringe. Still away, it was now West to attempt a long, winding putt for par from off the green while Blue patiently awaited their birdie-putt. Knowing he had to make the putt to realistically not lose the hole, West gave it a firm strike to attack the cup. The ball made its way along the green, perfectly breaking along the line it had to if it was going to have a chance, right before hitting the flagstick and dropping in for par. The Red Team gave a full wind-up fist pump while simultaneously roaring “LFG!” With a chance to still take the hole with birdie, Jeremy gave it a go but left it way short; possibly a little bit rattled from seeing Red’s result, and I mean who could blame him. Left with a difficult putt to halve the hole, Felton gave it a run but was unsuccessful, resulting in a three-putt bogey and giving Red a 3-Up lead through three. Too early for it to be a dagger, but that was definitely a gut-punch for the Blue Team to lose that one, given how it all unfolded.

It would’ve been easy for the Blue Team to let frustration get the best of them after that, but they made damn sure to bounce back strong on the short par-5 fourth hole. Jeremy blasted a drive out there into the fairway and Felton followed with the shot of the round, putting his ball on a rope that tracked the pin like a heat-seeking missile, landing the green in two and ending up five feet from the cup. The Red team had a great drive and second shot in their own right, landing their ball on the green on the fly as well except theirs rolled off the back into the under-construction concrete bunker just behind. After pulling their ball out from the unplayable bunker, they chipped onto the green but rolled it well-past the hole. They missed their birdie-putt coming back and tapped in for par. With two putts or less needed to win the hole, the Blue Team ended up taking it in style, as Jeremy knocked it into the cup for eagle with authority, reducing Red’s lead to 2-Up.

The eagle momentum bump was short lived however, as Blue followed up with a double-bogey to Red’s bogey, giving it right back. Red birdied the sixth to take another and went on to par out the remainder of the front nine while Blue bogeyed seven and nine, giving Red a commanding 6-Up lead at the turn. On the par-5 tenth, West poked a nice tee shot out there, dead center in the fairway. Blue sent their tee shot way left, requiring them to have a search party. With a stream of water traversing the fairway up ahead, Red’s next shot would require 190 yards of carry to clear it. While Blue continued their search and rescue, West and Johnny were mulling over their options to go for it or lay up. Johnny, not even really sure if he had that shot in his bag—if he did, it was a one in every twenty tries kind of shot—thought it was the smarter play to just lay up. But, this duo is historically known for identifying the smarter play and then electing to go in the exact opposite direction. So of course, Johnny pulled out the big dog—the same club he hooked into the water on the par-5 ninth hole at Prestwick in Myrtle the year before when West specifically told him to choose his safest club. He gave it a clean strike and really gave it a chance, but, like clockwork, it splashed down so elegantly into the water that there was a nearby table of judges holding up 9s and 10s. Was it the smartest play? Obviously not. But was it a stupid play? Most definitely. Legendary golfer Byron Nelson once said, “The Lord hates a coward.” But if that’s the case you have to imagine the Lord also hates an idiot. 

Anyhoo, the Blue Team eventually found their ball and were forced to punch out. This hole wasn’t looking pretty for them either as their next shot went way right. Red took their drop before the stream from about eighty out, and West pulled out his trusty sand wedge, but he ended up chunking it short into a bunker. Blue then also missed the green with their wedge shot in. It was looking about as ugly as it can get for each of these teams, but as Johnny would go on to prove, things were about to become downright grotesque. Not confident in his abilities to properly hit a bunker shot onto the green, Johnny elected to take a more unconventional approach. He was going to play the ramps and putt his ball from the bunker. Forgetting to grab another ball after throwing his last one in the water, he didn’t feel like walking back to the cart to grab one before hitting, so he figured what the hell, I’ll just putt West’s ball up onto the green and then we’ll just finish out with his ball from there. Johnny aimed up his putter, trying to decide the line he should take to ramp this bad boy out onto the green and get it somewhat close to try and make bogey and stop the bleeding. He gave it a circus wind-up and struck the ball so hard and so fast that it broke the sound barrier as it launched out of the bowl-shaped bunker at Mach-1 speed, giving Chuck Yeager a run for his money. The ball soared well beyond the green entirely. I’m pretty sure it was an atmospheric layer or two away from becoming more space debris that the International Space Station would’ve had to avoid from getting caught in its engines, before eventually returning to Earth and landing in the pond that is a solid thirty-plus yards behind the green. Even the stingiest of judges holding 9s on the last plunge most certainly had their 10s in hand this time around. Once the group picked their jaws up off the ground and finally got their laughter under control, West said “Alright Johnny we have to drop again, throw me my ball.” To which Johnny replied, “That was your ball…..” West just put his hands on his face, thinking you have to be kidding me. When all was said and done on the tenth, the Blue Team took the hole with a double-bogey seven to Red’s quadruple-bogey nine.

And just in case you thought I was exaggerating the pond being thirty-plus yards behind the green, here the yard-markings are below.

A solid sixty-four yard putt. Last year everybody lost their minds when Felton made a fifty-yard putt but when Johnny makes a sixty-plus yarder into a pond nobody cheers for him...

This ridiculous putt reminded me of the original Vacation movie when Clark Griswald accidentally drives through the desert and ramps off a sand dune and goes soaring through the air before crashing. His son says to him “Gee Dad, you must’ve jumped this thing about fifty yards.” Clark replies, “Ah that’s nothing to be proud of Rusty!” before a grin washes over his face as he mutters “fifty yards…” clearly proud of his “achievement.” Johnny had a similar feeling. I mean, that shot was, without question, the worst golf shot of the entire tournament, and arguably in contention for the worst of his life. But part of him was proud of it. He had his own Clark Griswald “fifty yards” moment after ramping that son of a bitch to Saturn. And on top of that he found a new low, a new rock bottom, and there’s just something to be said about that; something that puts a smile on your face knowing it can only go up from here. 

After the tenth hole circus was over, the Red Team removed their clown noses and got back to business. Remembering how to golf again, Red landed the green on the 175-yard par-3 and two-putted their way to par to take the hole over Blue’s bogey. Red was now looking to end the round with a win on thirteen, and following a great drive by Johnny and an even better approach shot by West, sticking the ball to less than ten feet, it was definitely possible. And with a downhill putt to win it, Johnny may have gotten just a tad aggressive, as he blew his ball by the hole and the downslope took it for a ride. West missed the long par-putt coming back, resulting in a three-putt bogey. Blue played the hole solidly from start to finish and took it down with a par. Unfortunately for Blue, that was the end of the rope. They double-bogeyed the thirteenth to Red’s bogey, ending the match with a 6&5 victory for the Red Team. Other than West’s 8&6 individual win over PJ in the Inaugural Danza, this was the next most dominant victory of the bunch in terms of how quickly the round ended. Funny enough, the closest round to this one in that regard was a 6&4 victory for the Blue team in this very matchup in 2021. Same teams, same event, nearly the same score, results reversed. That’s just the way it goes sometimes and it’s what makes golf beautiful. Winning any round, or the Danza Cup overall, isn’t always about who is the better team, but rather who is the better team in that one individual round on that specific day on this one particular weekend.

“If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.” – Dean Martin

The group to follow was the ever-eventful A/D matchup. (But first, author’s note: I would like to apologize that the previous round summary reads like a mini-novel and the following summary is going to read like the cliff notes version. By the time the author finally stopped being lazy and got around to writing these summaries up, essentially everyone else in the group forgot all the details of what happened, and thus, the rounds the author was involved with include vivid details while the rounds he was not involved in lack substance. Nevertheless, let’s continue.) Always an interesting pairing where anything can happen, and through three rounds of chaos to date, the Red Team leads 2-1 in this particular matchup. In this group, the A-players are always more or less going to do their thing; the round itself is typically decided by the D-players, whether they want that responsibility or not. So without further ado, let’s get into it.

Red took the first hole with a solid par to Blue’s bogey. That would be followed up with halved-bogeys on two and pars on three. Red took a 2-Up lead after parring the par-5 fourth to Blue’s double and a 3-up lead after parring the fifth to Blue’s bogey. Blue struck back, taking the sixth with bogey. After a halved seventh hole, Red got their lead back to 3-Up with a par on eight, but quickly followed with a double-bogey on nine to Blue’s par and Red’s lead was 2-Up at the turn.

Blue came out strong with birdie on ten to get it back to within one, but that’s as close as it would get, as Blue quickly followed with a double to lose eleven and a bogey to lose thirteen. After halving fourteen, Blue doubled the fifteenth to drop what would be their last hole. Red finished things off with a 4&3 victory. Nothing too special happened in this round; no crazy shots or wild moments, just a systematic beatdown provided by the Red Team to even the Danza score at 3-3, a colossal turning of the tides.

West/Johnny vs. Felton/Jeremy – 6&5 Red

Trey/Storm vs. James/Blatt – 4&3 Red

Blue Team: 3

Red Team: 3

“‘Should have’ and ‘did’ may be neighbors, but they don’t always get along.” – Arnold Palmer

Round IV: Individual – Old American Golf Club, The Colony, TX

It goes without saying that it comes down to the final round, because, well, obviously it does. But this year just felt different. It’s the first Danza that had an even score heading into the individual round. All knotted at 3-3. What more could you ask for in terms of excitement and pressure. Everybody wants to go out there and win and nobody wants to be the one to lose it for their team, and that’s what makes individual play all the more thrilling. Being tied 3-3 made it feel like everyone was starting with a clean slate; it didn’t matter who won and lost which rounds or what anyone’s personal record was at this point, because if you went out there and won this one round, you did your job. When the stakes are this high, everyone is all the more focused and anything can realistically happen, but if this round was going to just fall in line with history, then the Red Team was in trouble. Through three Danza’s to date, the overall record in the individual round is 8-2-2 in favor of the Blue Team. Red’s backs were up against the wall, and they knew something had to give, something had to change. What better place than here, what better time than now. If they were going to win this thing, they were going to have to go out there and do something different than years past—something special. Blue was also aware of their own success in the previous years, and they were as cool and confident as usual, but they weren’t about to rest on their laurels now; they wanted to inflict pain. Eight men, four matches, one victor. Red vs. Blue. Kill or be killed. 

Storm vs. Blatt

Oh the D-player matchup; it’s just the best. This particular pairing in this round create a lot of magic together, and not just the good kind. Sure, you’ll occasionally have your standard, boilerplate magic, but these guys also deal in the dark arts. We’re talking dark magic, black magic, blood magic, you name it… This round is capable of creating anything under the sun, where birdies and pars are just as common as scoring 10s on a hole, and that’s the beauty of it. Through three iterations of this matchup, Blatt remains unbeaten, standing at a record of 2-0-1. Storm was ready to unshackle himself from the chains of defeat once and for all, and coming off his and Trey’s dominant victory in the alt-shot, he felt that was the kickstart he needed to finally get it done. But Blatt’s a stubborn bastard, and he wasn’t going to hand over the keys to victory to Storm that easy. If Storm wanted to unchain himself, he was going to have to figure out a way to pick the lock (not score so many snowmen).

The round picked up where the alt-shot round left off, with Red taking the first hole off Storm’s bogey to Blatt’s double. The second hole saw another bogey from Storm, while Blatt carded a “no-score” giving Storm a 2-Up lead. Blatt followed with another no-score and Storm marched his way to a 3-Up lead after posting his third consecutive bogey. The first halved-hole came on four with a pair of doubles. In the C- and D-matchups, and especially the D-matchup, par is typically good enough to win any given hole, and yet these boys found a way to halve the difficult par-3 fifth with matching pars, while the A-counterparts playing alongside them could only manage a bogey-double-bogey combo. This is what I mean, you just never know when you’re going to get the handsome prince or the toad. The boys like to show brief glimpses of wizardry before reverting back to the dark arts just to keep you on your toes. And this very sequence came to fruition when Storm posted a 10-burger the very next hole while Blatt kept the par-train rolling. Shaking off his double-digit score on six, Storm got back on track with a bogey on seven to take the hole, but quickly gave it right back after carding a quintuple-bogey nine on the eighth. Rounding out the front nine, it was Blatt’s turn to post a quintuple-bogey nine, making Storm’s quad-bogey snowman just good enough to take the hole, giving Storm a 3-Up lead at the turn. You get the good, the bad, and the ugly with this pairing, and whichever of these guys had more lipstick and makeup to cover up their warts and boils would be the one who emerged victorious.

Blatt came out strong on the back nine, taking the tenth with par while Storm was too busy tallying another 10-burger. Not to bash Storm here because at this point he maintains a 2-Up lead, but just pausing to go over the scorecard for a minute; he had a total of twenty-two strokes through the first five holes, and forty-one over the five after that, nearly double the amount. But hey, this isn’t a stroke-play event, and like I just said, at the moment he’s up two holes (shrugs). Storm got his lead back to three after claiming the eleventh with a bogey to Blatt’s double. The next three holes played out like a trilogy of Jack Frost movies, with Storm going snowman, snowman, snowman. Amazingly enough, he won two of those holes as Blatt recorded consecutive niners—nobody said you had to win pretty. With four to play, Storm commanded a 4-Up lead.

Determined to fight ’til the bitter end, Blatt parred the fifteenth to stay alive. But Blatt was on borrowed time, and his survival would come to an end as both the fellas bogeyed the par-3 sixteenth, halving the hole and ending the match with a 3&2 victory for Storm, earning the fourth point for the Red Team. He did it. The weight had finally been lifted from Storm’s shoulders. Even though I said Storm’s key to victory would be the route of not scoring so many snowmen, he got the job done despite a score of eight or worse on seven holes—nearly half of the holes played. For some reason this reminds me of LeBron going to Miami talking about how many championships they were going to win. “Not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven…” And since these two things are equivalent and both these guys are athletes of the same caliber, this analogy holds up. This also isn’t a diss towards Blatt by the way, I’m simply stating Storm scored well when he needed to and his blowup holes came at the right time. In fact, if this were a stroke-play event, Blatt very well may have gotten the better of Storm. But that’s the charm of match play, especially in this specific matchup. Never change, D-players, never change.

Trey vs. James

The A-players; they needn’t an introduction. There’s a reason these two guys hold the one-spot on their respective teams. Simply put, they’re the two best players in the Danza group. Sure, there are other guys in the group, particularly West and Felton, who can and do beat them in a friendly round in the offseason here and there, but it’s their consistency and their ceiling that separates them from the pack. When they’re on, they show you why they earned the top spot. On any given day, either of these guys could beat the other, but as it stands, James’ record in this matchup remains unblemished at 2-0-1. Always hungry for more wins, he was looking to extend that record. But equally hungry for his first win was Trey, determined to put an end to this streak. Riding in the same cart with Storm, whom he just cleaned up in the alt-shot round with, Trey was keeping the positive thoughts rolling that this was the juju they each needed to get their first individual win. But it wasn’t going to be easy for him, as James is a formidable force in this round and seems to rise to the occasion most when the pressure keeps mounting. And with no partner to share the pressure with this round, James was in his comfort zone.

The round opened up with a par on the first for James. Trey was unable to match, taking a bogey to start and giving James the early 1-Up lead. But just as James parred the first to take the hole, it was Trey’s turn to take the par-5 second with par to James’ bogey. On the par-3 third hole, Trey hit an errant tee shot left into the high grass while James put his on the green. Trey was able to hit a nice pitch shot out of the tall stuff and put it to roughly fifteen feet. James didn’t exactly have a great lag-putt, leaving quite a bit of meat on the bones. Trey stepped up and buried the fifteen-footer, applying the pressure on James to make his in order to halve the hole. James was unable to bury it, swinging the lead over to Red. That lead was short-lived, as James struck right back with a par of his own while it was Trey’s turn to bogey, squaring things off once more. The pendulum would continue to swing back and forth, with James double-bogeying the fifth and giving Trey the lead right back, only for James to bounce back with a birdie on six and even the score for the third time. James continued that momentum into taking the seventh, but once again gave one back on eight, now the fourth time that neither guy could hold a lead for more than a single hole. As back and forth of a match as you can have, it wasn’t until the ninth that the first hole of the round was halved, ending the front at a dead even score. Like two  malfunctioning Rock’em Sock’em Robots whose heads were unable to pop up despite trading blows back and forth all day, neither man had anything to show for it. But it did just seem fitting that the front nine was a wash, because as we all know, the Danza doesn’t start until the back nine of the individual round. 

The boys started out the back nine with bogeys on ten, keeping the score even. On the par-3 eleventh, after James landed the green, Trey found himself in some trouble as his tee shot ended up right of a green-side bunker, resting in the deadpan. With the flag positioned short-side and having to hit a flop-shot over the bunker to en elevated green, the only thing he could do was pull out his 60° wedge and hope for the best. Hitting from what felt like concrete—as many shots did on these dry Texas courses—Trey somehow managed to perfectly scoop his 60° right underneath his ball, lifting it up the elevator shaft, over the bunker to the green, and getting it to stop two feet from the hole. Thinking that par might’ve been good enough to take the hole here, James had every right to be frustrated or annoyed at that shot, but he just couldn’t be; because it was one of the purest shots of the entire Danza. The difficulty was a 10/10 and Trey managed to catch it as clean as can be, getting up and down for par in style. James went on to two-putt for his par, keeping things all-square once again.

Able to put Trey’s sorcery behind him, James took down the twelfth with a par to acquire the first lead of the back nine. This ignited a fire in James, as he took down thirteen and fourteen as well, bowling a turkey to go 3-Up with four to play. Now having Trey on the ropes, James was looking to end this thing, but any hope of that would be delayed another hole, as he threw his drive into a fairway bunker and flubbed his way to a no score, losing the hole and allowing Trey to get back within two. On the par-3 sixteenth, both Trey and James missed the green. But as had been the theme of the day, they both hit good chip shots on, with James electing to utilize his patented bump-n-run eight-iron off the thin Texas grass, while Trey used a more lofted club. Trey’s up and down magic on the par-3’s this round finally ran out, as he was unable to sink the putt, resulting in a tap-in bogey. Ready to put this match to bed, James gave it a pure strike and sent the ball home to clinch the victory at 3&2, earning Blue their fourth point of the tournament.

After one of the hardest fought battles there ever was in the individual round, the two fellas having nothing but respect for one another, embraced for the sweatiest hug of their lives. Both guys played great and they each gave it everything they had. For Trey’s part, he was exceptional around the greens, pulling a rabbit out of the hat on numerous occasions to get up and down to win or halve holes, never giving James a free one. And while he didn’t do anything particularly spectacular, James was just consistently good all around, with his wedges being the difference maker and draining all the putts he needed to make in order to pull away down the stretch. He would later say that sometimes by the time the individual event rolls around, he feels he’s taken so many swings that it allows his body to be “freed up” and that’s when he can really move the ball and give himself opportunities to get a wedge in his hand. And on this course, with so many blind shots and forced carries, that played to his advantage. All in all, there was nothing more you could ask of these guys; they left it all out there. James just happened to be the one to come out on top, extending his record to 3-0-1. Trey will have to wait another year to get a shot to score one for the Red Team. Until then, the boys waited on the sixteenth for the group behind them.

Johnny vs. Jeremy

The past two years, there was a well-defined gap in skill between these two players. Jeremy had always maintained the edge of golf superiority and was sure to keep Johnny at an arm’s length in their previous individual matchups. Johnny was more than aware of this gap in the past, and I think even some part in the back of his mind knew it would’ve taken his very best effort plus a little bit of luck to win this matchup in ’21 and ’22. But over the course of the past year, through a lot of hard work, Johnny was able to narrow that gap, as was seen with the 78 that he posted at his home course, Rolling Green, the week before this year’s Danza. He was playing the best golf of his life in the lead up to this year’s tournament and that certainly made this matchup much more interesting than in the past. With that said, Jeremy had arguably the best overall rounds on Day One of the tournament this year, being just one of two players to maintain a perfect 2-0 record along with his best ball partner, Blatt. His individual performance was crucial to his team’s victories in each the best ball and scramble rounds, as that may have been the best he had ever played to this point as well. Johnny on the other hand did not bring his 78-caliber game on Day One and it was equally the reason he finished the day 0-2. Day Two was a different story through the alt-shot round however, as Johnny seemed to have worked out the kinks in his driver and was back to playing his A-game while Jeremy did not play at the level he did the day before. But as I said earlier, everyone was starting this round with a clean slate, so you could go ahead and throw the record books away, because this round was going to come down to who wanted it more.

The round started with a pair of bogeys, as is a common theme with the C-players. After hitting the flagstick off a skulled chip shot that resulted in a rather fortunate bounce to keep the ball on the green, Johnny was able to clean it up with a par on the par-5 second to take the early lead. A three-putt bogey on the par-3 third was enough for Johnny to take a 2-Up lead. On the fourth, while Jeremy overshot the green into the high grass, Johnny mis-hit a six-iron approach shot, worm-burning all the way up to pin-high, allowing for an easy up and down for par to take three straight holes out of the gate. Jeremy took the fifth and sixth with back-to-back bogeys to Johnny’s back-to-back doubles. Johnny took the par-3 seventh with bogey and then extended his lead back to 3-Up after birdieing the eighth, displaying the first semblance of good golf in the round thus far, as brief as it may be. Jeremy took the ninth with par to cut the deficit to a more manageable 2-Down as they set off for the back nine.

A traffic jam of golfers halted play at the tenth tee box, getting everyone out of rhythm. While the other three guys in this grouping were stretching and taking practice swings to stay loose, Jeremy saw this as an opportune time to buy a few beers from the cart girl. At the Danza, beer is typically reserved for post-round activities only while water and anything with electrolytes dominate the on-course beverage scene, however, there’s exceptions to every rule. Flustered with his play through the first half of the round, Jeremy was looking to ease the tension, feeling that he typically plays better when he has a couple in his system to keep him loose, so he opted for a few IPA’s over your standard Powerade and run-of-the-mill ice water to get him through the back nine. Once the jam cleared, the boys were off again, and while Johnny was battling the stiffness in his muscles en route to a triple-bogey, Jeremy’s victory juice was starting to kick in, as he bogeyed his way back to within one. The victory juice may have just provided a temporary placebo effect, because Jeremy went on to drop three of the next four holes, allowing Johnny to build a 4-Up lead with four to play.

As the boys waited on the tee box for the green to clear of the reachable par-4, Jeremy cracked another and put his hand on Johnny’s shoulder and said, “I’m proud of you man, you did it. You’ve come a long way.” Johnny, reluctant to accept any praise at this point, knowing there was still golf left to be played and the victory was far from in-hand, said “I don’t even wanna hear it right now. Not over yet.” Johnny went on to slice his drive out of bounds. Jeremy on the other hand, blasted one out there. Johnny took his drop and then put one on to the back of the green. Jeremy hit his chip shot to three feet. Johnny attacked the pin from his long-distance putt, hoping to just bury one in the off-chance Jeremy missed his three-footer, but he blew it by the hole. He again missed his putt coming back, still hanging on to false hope that Jeremy is somehow going to crash and burn from three feet; but hey, you never give up in the Danza, especially down the stretch in the individual round. Jeremy tapped his putt in for birdie and extended his life another hole.

It was at this point that Jeremy apologized for prematurely offering his congratulations, now noting that he won’t say such a thing until it’s truly over, and if it’s going to happen, it needs to be earned. It was also at this juncture that the group ahead’s round had finished and they stuck around as spectators to watch the end of the Danza unfold. Having that little gallery always provides some extra pressure, but it also makes the finish that much more exciting, knowing they’re there relying on you to get the job done. It was Jeremy’s tee box on the par-3 sixteenth, and he led off with a deep hit past the back of the green. Knowing the pressure of a potential total collapse down the stretch will only exponentially increase if he doesn’t end the match this hole sent Johnny’s heart rate north of a hundred beats per minute as he stood over his ball. Despite trying his best to stay cool and collected, it appeared his nerves won out as he chunked his tee shot and sent it way left and short into the thick grass. Furiously searching through the tall stuff for his ball to avoid having to take a drop, he was able to find it pretty buried. Johnny gave it a whack and was able to get it out of the weeds but still left it shy of the green. Meanwhile, Jeremy had chipped his up onto the green but still had a ways to go for par. On his third shot, Johnny finally got it on the green but still left himself with ten to twelve feet for bogey. Jeremy lagged his putt up to tap-in range and knocked it in for bogey. Left with a ten-plus foot putt to halve the hole, the pressure was mounting, and Johnny felt it. There’s a psychological element that if you lose this hole and allow your opponent to stick around and give them that momentum, that it’s very likely to flounder and choke the whole thing away. Wanting to avoid that situation at all costs, Johnny stepped up to the ball with his heart racing and gave it a confident strike. Riding the correct line from the start, the ball broke right to left and fell into the cup to halve the hole and secure the fifth point for Red. A 3&2 victory—Johnny’s first ever in the individual round, brought the Red Team to within a half-point of winning the Danza Cup.

West vs. Felton

The previous two years of this matchup brought forth instant classics. The ’21 round capped off Felton’s perfect 4-0 campaign and ’22 closed out West’s revenge tour en route to a 3-1 record. Both of those rounds were chock full of drama and came down to the wire. These two have been building quite the rivalry these past few years, and heading into this final round, their cumulative head-to-head records against one another was 6-6. It’s funny, pound for pound, these dudes are about as even as you can get, yet their playing styles are vastly different. Hell, even their tournament preparation couldn’t be any more dissimilar. Felton falls in Camp Sabbatical, a staunch believer that less is more, and dammit it works for him. The less that guy plays, the better he gets. The longer the sabbaticals in between rounds, you can expect to watch greatness unfold before your eyes. West, conversely, falls in Camp Play ’Til Your Hands Bleed. He has a more workhorse attitude, believing that sheer volume is critical to his success on the course. Granted, living on a golf course provides him with a unique access to racking up quantity like nobody’s business, and goddammit if he isn’t going to take advantage. These differing approach styles bleed into the way they each play. Felton has a natural ability that very few have, allowing him to just step on a course for the first time in months and let it rip as gracefully and effortlessly as one can imagine. Felton actually swings like every golfer thinks they swing like in their mind. And this effortless swing is what allows him to be one of the long-ball hitters of the group. West on the other hand is not a long-ball hitter, nor does he have a graceful or effortless swing. Matter of fact, his very effortful golf swing is what led to his medial epicondylitis, an elbow injury that has plagued him going on two-months leading up to the tournament. We can talk about their differences in style all day, but the point of convergence between the two is in their iron-play. Arguably the two best ball-strikers with their irons in the Danza, this is where their game elevates one another, and whichever of them was going to come out on top, it was likely to be whoever was manipulating their ball better this round.

Felton came out even-keel, coasting his way to a tap-in par on the first. Having a mid-distance par-putt to halve the hole, West couldn’t knock it in, giving Felton the lead out of the gates. They halved two with pars and three with bogeys. The next few holes were a ping pong match, as is a commonality in this matchup, with Felton taking the fourth, West taking the fifth, and Felton the sixth. They enjoyed that ping pong match so much they decided to have another one to close out the front nine; they even decided to keep the same pattern, as holes seven, eight, and nine went to Felton, West, Felton, respectively. With just two halved-holes and seven definitive results, they were both playing consistently inconsistent, but again, these two feel at home when riding the rollercoaster.

Felton had a commanding 3-Up lead at the turn, but with a train of foursomes in front the group, staying loose and in a rhythm during the long wait was going to be no small feat. It’s these moments that are the most crucial to stay focused on the task at hand and not let your mind drift, but obviously, this is easier said than done. By the time the boys teed it up again, West’s elbow pain was acting up, Felton was still trying to stay loose and focused, and in the other pairing Jeremy was already halfway through his first IPA. In spite of his elbow pain, West came out firing anyway, and he took down the tenth hole and cut it to within two. He followed up by taking the eleventh as well and suddenly the boys had a ball game on their hands again. Just something about those long breaks…

Felton was able to put a stop to West’s mini-streak by winning the twelfth, but as can be expected, West punched back and took the thirteenth, cutting the deficit back to one. On the par-4 fourteenth, Felton found himself in some trouble and was likely going to settle for bogey. After missing the green in regulation, West had a nice chip shot onto the green, leaving himself with roughly four feet for par to win the hole. Those four-footers on the back nine of a nail-biter individual match are the actual definition of knee-knockers. They require nerves of the strongest steel. West, who has been one of the clutches players in the Danza and who always seems to elevate his game when it matters most, has been nearly automatic when putting under pressure in years past. And just like years past, he confidently stepped up to the ball and gave it a tap, but, unlike years past, his ball didn’t fall this time. Expecting a break where there was none, West showed his frustration over the missed putt and the now-halved-hole, feeling like he really missed an opportunity for a momentum shift. Possibly carrying that frustration from the fourteenth, or maybe it was just his medial epicondylitis throbbing at this point, West dropped the fifteenth to go 2-Down with three to play.

The final three holes can feel like an eternity and a blink of an eye all at once. So much adrenaline pumping, so much on the line. The boys headed to the par-3 sixteenth. The details are now blurred, but what we do know is, right around the time Johnny and Jeremy’s round was finishing up, Felton and West had halved the hole to send it to seventeen. As mentioned earlier, the group ahead had also finished their rounds, so all eight guys were now headed to the seventeenth—six guys spectating, two playing; this is what it’s all about. Each guy representing their three other teammates, carrying that weight on their shoulders, it’s enough to break lesser men, but as they say—no pressure, no diamonds. Besides, this was nothing these guys weren’t already used to anyway. The ’22 round ended in similar fashion—everyone watching, these two playing. Two holes to play; Felton leads 2-Up. Just needing to hang on and merely tie either of the next two holes and Felton would end this match and send this thing to a playoff. However, if West were to win both of these holes, he would lock up that ever-the-more crucial half-point, earning the Red Team the highly coveted Danza Cup Trophy on the seventy-second hole. Did I mention there was pressure? 

The seventeenth was a 491-yard par-5 dogleg left with bunkers all over the place. The difficulty level of this hole matched the intensity of the situation. The boys took the tee box, and with six of their peers watching on, they let it rip. Felton’s tee shot went way right into the trees, putting himself in danger, potentially even unfindable territory. With West’s elbow hanging on by a thread at this point in the tournament, he did his best to rip one, but his main focus was just ensuring he stayed out of danger and kept it in play. Putting it safely in the fairway but clearly showing pain and weakness, he sacrificed distance for accuracy, only driving it probably 190 yards. After several minutes of searching furiously, Felton was unable to locate his ball and was forced to take a drop by the tree-line, opening the door for West to take another and force this thing to eighteen. With a mile to go to the green, West just wanted to advance the ball safely, so he threw another up the middle of the fairway but was still a ways out. After taking his drop, Felton blasted an absolute torpedo up there to within wedge distance. West, now trying to go for the green, whipped a hard swing, making excellent contact and sending the ball flying forward, but it was tracking towards one of the several bunkers that surrounded the green. It was looking like it was going to clear it and roll towards the green, but to his misfortune, it landed in the very top of the bunker wall. 

Felton was right back in this hole all of a sudden, and from roughly fifty yards out, he threw one up there to the back of the green.  Having no shot to clear the bunker and advance the ball forward, West was forced to chip out backwards into the fairway. From there, he pitched on to the back of the green, landing near Felton’s ball. Each of them looking at a downhill twenty-footer with Felton up a stroke, West went first and gave it a run, knowing he had to make it to have any prayer at winning the hole. Unfortunately for the Red Team, he ran it past the hole by several feet. Felton then hit a safe lag-putt to within a few feet. Trying to make it coming back, West ended up missing again. He officially gave Felton the nod to pick his ball up, ending the match with a 3&1 victory for Blue, and putting an end to regulation play at yet another 5-5 tie, the third of its kind in four years.

Storm vs. Blatt: 3&2 Red

Trey vs. James: 3&2 Blue

Johnny vs. Jeremy: 3&2 Red

West vs. Felton: 3&1 Blue

Blue Team: 5

Red Team: 5

“What’s that? Ah—Playoffs? Don’t talk about—playoffs? You kidding me? Playoffs? – Jim Mora

Sudden Death Playoff

Back in the age of classical antiquity, there are writings that attribute Pythagoras as the original thinker of the philosophical concept of eternal recurrence. In simplistic terms, eternal recurrence states that time repeats itself in an infinite loop, where everything that has ever happened will happen again, and again, and again, over and over for all of eternity. It was noted that Pythagoras had said “after certain specified periods, the same events occur again” and that “nothing was entirely new.” Possibly inspired by Pythagoras, this concept was revisited in the Stoic philosophy of Ancient Greece, in which they believed the universe was periodically destroyed and reborn again exactly as it was before. They proposed this same cycle would repeat itself for all eternity and the same events would happen exactly as they were, every single time. Later on, the rise and spread of Christianity put an end to this way of thinking, at least for a while. The discovery of the laws of thermodynamics in the nineteenth century re-sparked the conversation of the ultimate fate of the universe and the idea of eternal recurrence among scientists and philosophers of the time, with various opinions weighing in with their own different iteration of this thinking. Notably among them was German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche who proposed that the universe was infinite in duration but contains a finite quantity of energy, thereby all matter in the universe must pass through a finite number of combinations resulting in each combination eventually repeating itself in the same order and creating “a circular movement of absolutely identical series.” Nietzsche really re-popularized this theory when he published it as a thought experiment, which reads as follows:

[What if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness, and say to you, "This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more; and there will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and sigh and everything unutterably small or great in your life will have to return to you, all in the same succession and sequence" ... Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: "You are a god and never have I heard anything more divine.]

All this to simply say, time is a flat circle. Now, I for one don’t consider myself much of a philosopher, nor do I prescribe to this theory, but I suppose we don’t have proof enough to refute it, so who can really say. But just to play devil’s advocate, if one were an aspiring philosopher looking for any proof or signal at all that this may be the case, they need not look any further than at the history of the Danza Cup, where events tend to repeat themselves again and again—namely, the sudden death playoff. 

We found ourselves here once again, and I can’t say that anyone was really surprised; it just seems inevitable. It certainly makes for a long and tiresome, yet very exciting day of golf. After playing thirty-six holes in that Texas heat and seventy-two over the past two days, we were all physically, mentally, and emotionally drained; but with the single most important hole of golf of the tournament left to be played, our adrenaline was more than enough to pick us up.

In terms of friendly competition, the sudden death playoff is just about the highest stakes we are able to generate for ourselves. It is nerve-wracking, terrifying, and glorious all at once. The playoffs to this point had a split record of 1-1 with the Red Team taking ’20 after Trey was able to put James away in the head-to-head, and the Blue Team taking ’22 with James getting revenge off of his ever-memorable walk-off fifty-foot putt to shut the whole thing down. But it doesn’t matter now what happened in 2020 or 2022; we were starting all over from scratch once more. With seventy-two holes in the rearview and just one more to go, there was no room left for error. It all comes down to whoever is simply more clutch. Did I say the Danza doesn’t start ’til the back nine of the individual round? Scratch that, everyone knows the Danza doesn’t start ’til the playoff.

Following our individual round, we encountered a predicament that we really haven’t had to deal with in the previous two playoffs. That being, that the course was absolutely slammed and we didn’t have the option to just go play an open hole, because there were no open holes. So we sent our finest ambassador, West, into the clubhouse to showcase his attorney negotiating and persuasion skills to find us a solution to make this playoff happen. He cranked the charisma up to eleven and unleashed his hypnotic charm upon them with the radiance of a thousand suns. They had no choice but to come up with a solution and do it with a smile on their face. And God bless ‘em, they did. The plan was to have us wait fifteen minutes then they’d send us over to their other course, Tribute Golf Links, to play the fifth hole—a replica of Royal Troon’s famous par-3 #8, the postage stamp green. 

Standing outside the clubhouse just waiting those fifteen minutes felt like forever. Everyone was trying to stay focused and prevent themselves from tightening up. Jeremy was sucking down the last of his IPA’s, calm as could be. But before too long, a staff member came out and gave us the nod to head over. On top of the fifteen minute wait feeling like fifteen hours, the cart ride over to the fifth hole was like walking the Green Mile. We wound and weaved along the path for several minutes, having more than enough time to collect our thoughts and get hyped up with our teammate in the cart. There was hardly anyone left on the course by this point, at least not the front nine; in part because no one was teeing off past 7:00 PM, and also in part due to the fact the greens were aerated, which is the sole reason we didn’t play this course in the first place. From everything we looked up, it was the most beautiful course of the bunch, and until we found out they were aerating the greens the week of the Danza (something we can’t seem to avoid no matter what month we end up playing in), it was going to be the premiere course. Similar to Tour 18, Tribute was another replica course, composed of famous holes strictly from links-style courses in Scotland. And just driving through this course, we got a glimpse of how beautiful it was. It really was a shame we didn’t get to play this place, because it was absolutely nicer than the four courses we played.

At long last, we arrived. It was time for the team scramble playoff. The Royal Troon postage stamp replica was only playing around ninety yards, allowing everyone to have a legitimate shot at sticking one, but it’s not called the postage stamp for nothing, this was a tiny green that demanded accuracy. And if you think none of the boys were fantasizing about taking down that hole-in-one pot and cementing their status as a Danza legend, you’d be an idiot. Like all things Danza-related, if we aren’t using Johnny’s famous randomizer, we’re doing a coin flip. And so, the coin had spoken; it was the Red Team to lead off. 

Storm went first and he chunked his ball a solid forty-ish yards and pulled it left. Blatt was up next and he threw his ball out-of-bounds left. Like Storm, Johnny too, chunked his ball approximately fifty yards and also pulled it left. Speaking of time repeating itself, this sequence was essentially identical to the previous year’s playoff minus the water hazard gulping down each guys’ ball. Ending this cycle of suck, Jeremy threw a dart to within ten feet, giving Blue a significant leg up with two shots remaining for each team. Up next was West, and he was able to hit a good one, but still yet, no dice for the Red Team, as he landed in one of the green-side bunkers. Felton followed with a solid strike and similar to Jeremy, put it to around ten feet. With one guy to go for each team, Blue now possessed two balls on the green while Red was still in search of their first. Again, exactly like last year, it was all up to Trey to give the Red Team a chance to putt, and with the Blue Team now having two balls within ten feet, he really didn’t have a choice. And in back-to-back years, Trey came through in the clutch, landing his ball on the putting surface to approximately twenty feet. It wasn’t exactly the most makable-putt, but beggars can’t be choosers; if you don’t want your best option to be a twenty-footer, put more than one ball on the green. James being the last man up, would also put one on the green but was well-outside the radius of Felton and Jeremy’s balls. It was now time to get the flat-sticks out and see if anyone could recreate what James had done a year ago.

In three out of three playoffs, Blue had the closer putt, leaving Red with the unfortunate duty of putting first once again. Based on distance alone, Blue had the far more makable putt, but the great equalizer could be all the holes, bumps, and sand on the green that the fresh aeration had created. It was certainly going to add an element of randomness to it and making a putt at either of these distances was going to require a little bit of luck. With Red up first, it was Storm to lead them off. He gave it what he thought was a solid strike, but as it turned out, he left it quite short. Not wanting to make the same mistake Storm made, Johnny put a little extra elbow-grease into his putt, but overestimated how much force was actually required and blew it past the hole. Neither guy giving West any kind of read, he was going out on a limb to give it his best judgment. He gave it a nice effort and got it within a few feet, but was never really in contention for birdie. Having only one true line provided to him, Trey gave it his best to bury it, but like West, he could only get it to within a few feet, good enough for the Blue Team to tell Red to pick up. 

The Red Team was now 0/3 in achieving birdie in the team scramble playoffs, a direct result of their poor tee shots rather than a putting issue. In fact, through the three team scramble playoffs, Red has placed a collective 2/12 balls on the green, a measly 16.7% average. If I was being more liberal with these statistics I could technically say Storm’s ball on the fringe in ‘20 would make 3/12, but the fringe isn’t the green now is it. So, as punishment for their poor tee shots and lack of birdie, yet again they had to stand there with their thumbs up their butts thinking about what they’ve done and pray to the golf gods that Blue didn’t do exactly what they did last year. 

After having a debate over whether they were going to play Felton’s or Jeremy’s ball, based on the distance and line, they elected to go with Jeremy’s. Ahh, what a good problem that must be for Blue, always being forced to make a decision over which putt they preferred. The Red Team is like “Woohoo! The opportunity to putt! What a privilege!” With less than ten feet separating the Blue Team from hoisting the Danza Cup for the third year in a row, it was Blatt to putt first. While the Red Team was shaking in their boots, he gave it a run and came close, but not good enough for victory. Jeremy was up next and hoping to finish what he started here, gave it a solid tap but he too came up just shy. As Bon Jovi would say, we’re halfway there, living on a prayer. And that was certainly the case here, but something tells me these prayers were in direct contradiction of one another depending on which color of shirt you happened to be wearing that day. Two guys remaining and now it was Felton’s attempt to deliver the final bullet. He put it on a perfect line and each team’s fate looked all but sealed, until the very last second when it hit a bump surrounding one of the little holes in the ground, sending it just off-line enough to miss by a few inches. The grounds crew send their regards. 

James was all that stood between the Red Team and a second set of playoffs, but they weren’t holding their breath. After last year, coupled with the fact Felton just gave him a perfect line, it just felt inevitable, and I think the Blue Team felt it too. How could they not? They were playing with house-money and two years worth of winning confidence in their back pocket. After making a fifty-footer last year to close it out, what’s ten feet or less? James stepped over his ball, looking calm as usual, brimming with confidence that he was about to end it, and gave it a run. Last year in this moment, the Red squad had their fingers crossed and were anxiously hoping for the best. This year they just stood there sad-eyed and pessimistic, awaiting to give their congratulatory handshakes and walk off defeated once more. James’ ball slowly trickled down towards the hole before coming to a rest. Rubbing their eyes and squinting to get a better look, the Red Team was in shock... stupefied. The ball was still sitting on the green and not at the bottom of the cup? It just didn’t compute at first and I think everyone was surprised with the result. Eight putts and zero made balls later and the teams were headed to the second sudden death playoff: the head-to-head matchup. 

The win was there for the taking but neither team appeared ready to reach out and grab it. I did say these aerated greens were going to require a bit of luck to drain one, and unfortunately for Felton he was on the losing side of a coin flip with his putt. Sometimes that’s just how the chips fall. You can only worry about the things you can control. Still yet, there was no victor. It was time now for each team to select who would be the representative for the head-to-head. Before anyone on the Blue Team could even weigh their options, Jeremy said “I got this.” and immediately began heading back to the tee box. As for the Red Team, it was a unanimous decision that it was going to be Trey. He was the only one clutch enough to put his tee shot on the green and knew exactly the kind of shot he needed to hit again. Plus, let’s not forget he is the A-player after all. 

Trey and Jeremy took their posts on the tee box, flipped a coin, and it was Jeremy to lead the way. He stepped up to the plate, and with ice in his veins, or rather, a 0.08 blood alcohol content—just a smidge above the legal driving limit—he stuck one to about fifteen feet. Those IPA’s were just what the doctor ordered to take the edge off and keep him steady-handed. With Blue having a ball on the green, the pressure was now on Trey to follow suit. Remaining clutch from the first to second sudden death playoff, Trey stuck another one to roughly twelve or so feet. Both fellas were on the dance floor and it would again come down to a putting contest. 

Trey’s ball was just a little bit inside of Jeremy’s, so it was Blue to go first this time. Jeremy gave it a legitimate chance and put it damn close but wasn’t able to knock it in. He tapped her in from there and the ball was now in the Red Team’s court to end it. The fate of the tournament now rested in the palms of Trey’s hands. It was the Blue Team’s turn to feel helpless; they were at the mercy of Trey’s will. Twelve feet of downward slant and a whole lot of bumps and holes in the ground separated the Red Team from redemption.

Trey put a nice controlled pace on it and it gradually worked its way down the grade, just missing the hole and rolling two feet by. The Blue Team survives another hole. But nothing was guaranteed yet for the Red Team. It’s funny the weight that a two-foot putt can hold. The gravity of this two-foot putt weighs down on a man far more than the six-footer on your typical Saturday round with the boys. This same-distance putt in your casual round is a no-brainer pick-up/tap-in. But with the Danza on the line, these two feet might as well be a mile. With Trey’s heart rate no doubt in the triple digits, he approached his ball and tapped it in. The entire Red Team breathed a sigh of relief. On to the third sudden death playoff they went.

It was back to the democratic process of selecting a team representative. For the Blue squad it was between James or Felton. Either way, they couldn’t really go wrong. As I’ve mentioned before, Felton is one of the best ball strikers in the Danza, who in fact was the Blue Team’s first selection in the ’20 playoff. And then you have James, who is arguably the best overall player in the Danza. Ultimately, they decided to go with their top gun. James it was. It was a pretty quick election for Red. Johnny was playing well today, sure, and had been hot coming into the tournament, but West is the clear number two for Red, and along with Felton, has the best-iron play in the group. It was an obvious choice, and let us not forget, he was the Red Team’s first selection in the Inaugural Danza playoff. And so it was set, James vs. West.

Another coin flip and it was determined that Blue would go first. James gave it a firm whack, but felt like he caught a little too much ground and began yelling “Its gotta go!” However, he was pleasantly surprised to see it land less than ten feet from the flag. Not exactly sure how that happened, the best explanation he could think was that he did catch it a little thick, but his swing speed might have been a little faster due to all the adrenaline pumping. The tension shifted back to West. With James having a great look at birdie, and West knowing that it’s probably unlikely that he will miss a putt at that length in these circumstances again, he felt it was birdie or bust. Determined to go pin-seeking, West let it rip, but contrary to James catching his a little fat, he caught his thin… very thin. He skulled it, in fact. Unfortunately for West and the Red Team, his ball went soaring past the green into the thick fescue beyond. From there, the grass was so deep he was able to get it out but at the cost of all accuracy as he pulled it left of the green. The third shot was a chip from the rough that he caught fat, leaving it short of the green. Attempting one last Hail Mary hoping to chip in, his prayers weren’t answered and he left it short of the green once more. At this point James could’ve four-putted from ten feet to take it down. West told James to pick it up and that was the end of the line. The Blue Team were Danza Cup Champions yet again.

The 3-peat was complete. It was officially a dynasty. It’s become the Harlem Globetrotters vs. the Washington Generals—the Chicago Bulls vs. the Utah Jazz. Red is giving it their damndest to overthrow the Buffalo Bills for most consecutive runner-up finishes, and if each team had champion tee-shirts pre-made each year, there would be twelve kids in Africa thinking the Red Team was a dominant force in whatever the hell this Danza Cup is. But the thing is, you can’t even say the teams are lopsided when three of the four tournaments have gone to the playoff. Blue has just been nails in the playoffs, coming up more clutch to close it out. The matchups really are as even as can be, one team has just had that killer instinct, the other team not so much. And as it stands, the Blue Team leads 3-1. They’re a wrecking ball and they know it. If the Red Team wants to continue calling this thing a rivalry, they better start winning.

First Playoff Round – Team Scramble: Halved

Second Playoff Round – Trey vs. Jeremy: Halved

Third Playoff Round – West vs. James: 1-Up Blue Team Victory

“Winning is habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.” – Vince Lombardi

Just some closing thoughts on the tournament. First off, what an epic Danza. Both teams gave their blood, sweat, and tears, but at the end of the day only one team can win, and for the third year in a row, it was the Blue Team. They earned it. It takes a lot to get it done, and the strife of it all is what makes the victory that much more glorious; but on the other side of that same coin, it’s what makes the loss that much more painful. We have all experienced both sides of it and everyone knows those feelings—well, except for Jeremy who only knows victory. Winning in the sudden death playoff is like drinking that addictively sweet nectar of the golf gods. It keeps you craving, yearning for more, while losing in it is just maddening. To come that far, get that close, and have it all come crashing down at the one-yard line is just a kick in the balls. As brutal as it gets.

It was also sad that such an incredible tournament had to end on a sour note. You just had to feel for West. The guy put his heart and soul into it and strung together some really great rounds of golf, but just happened to have one really bad hole at a really unfortunate time. If you’re going to lose, you would rather it be off of a fifty-foot putt than have it end this way. And conversely, if you’re going to win, you want it to end with you making the putt, not off your opponent unraveling. It was one of those moments that it all just felt so anticlimactic. It was even hard for the Blue Team to truly celebrate, at least in the moment, because as competitors and friends, it’s not fun to see it play out like that. Don’t get me wrong, I imagine they were going nuts in the car ride home, but at the course they were respectful about it. It was quite the opposite of the explosive ending in ’22. The whole thing was actually eerily similar to the Inaugural Danza, which also ended in the third sudden death playoff round with one player blowing up. That’s just the way she goes sometimes. Not every Danza will end on an insane putt. In fact, the odds of that happening to begin with are extremely slim. You can pretty much bet that most Danza’s will have a pretty mundane end regardless of how epic the tournament as a whole is.

Secondly, we had a few firsts this year. James and Jeremy earning their first win in the scramble round, taking down the undefeated pairing of Trey and Johnny, and Storm and Johnny each earning their first wins in the individual round. The James and Jeremy tandem seemed like a new animal this year; they really put together their A+ game for the first time and just slowly suffocated Trey and Johnny. As for Storm and Johnny, getting that monkey off their backs in the individual round was a much needed confidence boost going forward. And seeing that the Red Team’s best ever record in the individual round prior to this year has sadly been 1-3, getting two wins to force the playoff was cool that it came from two unlikely sources. 

Thirdly, Old American sucked. You know what, I’ll say it, all the courses kind’ve sucked, but especially Old American. I suppose Coyote Ridge was alright; it was definitely the best-kept condition of the four, but still wasn’t a huge fan. Texas golf in general with these dry courses and extremely thin lies, it’s just not the same. But don’t get me started on Old American. We were hoodwinked, bamboozled, lead astray, run amok, and flat out deceived! The pictures on the website and google had this place looking immaculate. We couldn’t wait. That is until we played it. Aside from it just not being all that well kept like the website made us believe, the course layout was trash. Every hole had a blind shot. Every single one. Couple that with there being fifty fairway bunkers on each hole and it was inevitable you were going to spend quite a bit of time in the sand. It was a bummer we didn’t get to play Tribute instead, because based on the playoff hole, that course seemed awesome. But overall, Texas golf: not a fan. Maybe this is why we should book future Danza’s at actual golf destinations and not based on cool Airbnb’s we don’t even stay at. 

Lastly, it’s also pretty cool that all eight players finished this Danza with a 2-2 record. I’ll say it again, it’s wild that a group of eight friends can all be so evenly matched in golf ability from top to bottom. While there is obviously a difference in skill gap between each level, A through D, the corresponding players to their designated letter grading are so comparable to one another they essentially cancel each other out. Any chemistry professor would give their nod of approval at this balanced equation. 

Not to get too sentimental but honestly, the Danza is every avid amateur golfer’s dream; and if it’s not, it should be, because it’s the best. The percentage of golfers that get to make the PGA Tour or play in the Ryder Cup is a zero followed by a decimal point followed by several more repeating zeros and then a one. So what can you do when you know you will never play in the Ryder Cup? You make your own. The tough part is then finding enough friends who are also avid golfers and who also happen to have similar skill-sets, and then organizing the whole damn thing even if you have all that. Very few people are lucky enough to have a large enough pool of friends who share their favorite hobby. Hell, few people have a large group of friends in the first place, much less a group of guys you could truly consider your best friends and know that any one of them would give you the shirt off their back if you needed it. There’s a reason that I, Johnny, the author of this site, have asked the other seven members of the Danza to be groomsmen in my upcoming wedding. You truly couldn’t ask for a better group of guys, and getting to participate in this special event with each other every year is something we are all beyond grateful for. We are all extremely competitive guys who have come from sports backgrounds and miss those days of organized competition. The ship has sailed on any of us going pro in golf or any other sport for that matter, so the Danza is arguably the one last true competitive thing we have in our lives. We all want to win as much as anyone. But more importantly than winning, the Danza is about friendship and a lifelong bond we will all share with each other. It really is just the best.

Now excuse me while I found out who’s chopping onions in here.

“The most important shot in golf is the next one.” – Ben Hogan

Post-Tournament Dinner

You know, I was reluctant to include this, because frankly, it’s just not that important. Usually we just stop by some burger or BBQ joint, have a burger or wings, a few beers, and call it a night. But with the late start of our second round this year, coupled with the playoff and how far away we were from our Airbnb, by the time we were nearing our place it was close to 9:30 PM. The first restaurant we planned on eating at had a live band, a $5 cover charge, and flashing lights/lasers. It had the feel of blackout Thursdays at Bent Willey’s when we were 21, not exactly the vibe we wanted for a post-tourney dinner. So that was an obvious no-go. Not left with many other options in the area, we went with an All-American staple: Cheddars.

Cheddars was bumpin’ that night. It took over an hour to get our food, but once it finally got to us, the wait was worth it! Because by then the chicken wraps were lukewarm and mediocre at best! Here we were trying and failing to go subpar on the golf course all weekend and yet the two restaurants we ate out at made it look so easy. I only bring this up because here we were in the heart of Dallas, TX, the king of BBQ, and with only one day remaining we had not yet had a truly inspiring meal. Dallas, man, it provided us with the worst golf courses and dinners to date. I hope whoever booked our original Airbnb had one hell of a weekend…. 

It was probably Keith Burnette.

“Mulligan: invented by an Irishman who wanted to hit one more twenty-yard grounder.” – Jim Bishop

MVP

Jeremy Hardy

We had to postpone the MVP ceremony until Saturday, because by the time we got home from Cheddars it was nearing midnight, or at least it felt like it, and everyone was so exhausted we all passed out instantaneously upon getting back to the house. But before we held the ceremony, it was time to do Dallas right. We were ready for some genuine Texas barbecue. Terry Black’s Barbecue was the restaurant of choice and we had all of the meats delivered straight to the house for a pool-side lunch. And finally, on the last day, we had a meal that blew our socks off. It was stupendous. 10/10. I mean, it was no Deejays ribs… but a close second!

After that delicious well-deserved meal, it was time to crown the MVP. This year was especially difficult to name the MVP, because honestly, it could’ve been any one of the four guys and no one would’ve batted an eye at whoever was given the honor. I mean, everyone went 2-2 so there was no obvious choice based on record alone like in the past. No buzzer-beating fifty-foot putts to end it. Everyone played their part and it was very much a team victory. But, you can’t have co-MVP’s and you certainly can’t name an entire team the collective-MVP. There can be only one. 

The Red Team started from the top and worked their way down, going over the resume of each Blue player this year. Weighing the good with the bad, considering who really brought their best, who punched above their weight class, and who came up clutch in the most crucial of moments. After much deliberation in the car ride home over the performances of all four guys, the decision was made. A new member would be added to the MVP club: Jeremy Hardy. 

While a case could’ve been—and was—made for any of the four guys, Jeremy separated himself from the pack with his stellar play on Day One and with his icy performance in the playoff. On Day One, his play in the best ball match, particularly his terminator mentality on the back nine to lead the charge in completing the comeback, and his breakout performance in the scramble round were monumental in propelling the Blue Team to victory. In the scramble event—a round with the two A-players in his grouping—Jeremy was the standout player, having arguably the best overall performance of the group. From his consistent play tee to green to his jaw-dropping putting display that repeatedly broke the Red Team’s back and spirit, he was playing like a man possessed. 

Although he didn’t come out as strong in the alt-shot and individual rounds as he did in the best ball and scramble, the sealing factor for his claim to the MVP came with his execution in the playoff. He launched a pin-seeker in the team scramble playoff that would ultimately be the ball that Blue had played. Following that, he had the confidence to volunteer as tribute and put the team on his back in the first head-to-head playoff and again dropped another dime. Going shot-for-shot with the Red Team’s A-player, Jeremy’s par was good enough to send the tournament to the third sudden death playoff, which they would go on to win. He was instrumental in guiding the Blue Team through the playoffs and without his elevated play at the most important of moments, there is no 3-peat. 

The MVP Boys

Now drink a Danza's worth of beer, Jerm. You earned it, buddy.

P.S. Leave it to us to remodel the MVP trophy only for it to break again during the flight. That thing refuses to stay in good condition. Wouldn’t have it any other way. It builds character.

The Champs

“For true success, it matters what our goals are. And it matters how we go about attaining them. The means are as important as the ends. How we get there is as important as where we go.” – Old Tom Morris

Final Results

Blue Team – 5 (1-Up Playoffs)

Red Team – 5

Best Ball: 1-1

Scramble: 2-0 Blue

Alt-Shot: 2-0 Red

Individual: 2-2

Playoff: 1-0 Blue

Individual Records

Blue Team

James McFadden: 2-2

Michael Felton: 2-2

Jeremy Hardy: 2-2

Jared Blatt: 2-2

Red Team

Trey Zambito: 2-2

Jordan West: 2-2

Johnny Belancic: 2-2

Eric Storm: 2-2

Leading Point Scorers:

All players tied at 2

MVP: Jeremy Hardy