2022

“Golf is not a game, it’s bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins.” – Jim Murray

It was now the Sudden Death Playoffs. A 5-5 tie through ten events. After leading 4-2 heading into the Individual round, the Red Team dropped three of the four matchups, with West being their only winner. It was a difficult par-3, with a water hazard in front and to the right side of the green, playing close to 150-yards. Each team had found the green and it was the Red Team to putt first. One by one each of them putted, one by one they all failed to make it. Close, but no cigar. It was the Blue Team’s turn starting with Blatt. He gave a nice run at it and showed his boys the line. Each of them seemingly getting closer than the last, with Felton’s just burning the edge. The last man up was James, with the Red Team trembling there helpless, as they had one more bullet to dodge. James lined up his putt and gave it a solid strike. The ball was perfectly on line. It had a little speed to it, but it was right on target. It rolled dead center into the cup. It hit the flagstick and bounced out. On to the second Sudden Death Playoffs they went…

This memory from the 2020 playoffs would be burnt into the Blue Team’s brains ever since, especially James. In sports, it’s rare to replicate a moment of redemption. No matter how prepared you are, or how bad you want it, you can never know when or even if you’ll ever have that same opportunity again. But if you do, would the result be different?

Arrival Day

At long last, the day had arrived, or better yet, we had. Myrtle Beach, South Carolina was the destination, and the Third Annual Danza Cup was upon us. For just over half the group, arrival day actually came a day early, with a few of the guys flying in after work, and another couple driving well into the night/morning to reach the promised land. Unlike the previous Danza, which only had a seven-month gap between tournaments, the third installment of the series required the boys to endure a dreadful, fifteen-month wait due to a couple of the fellas getting married during prime Danza season. The date getting pushed back worked in our favor for training purposes, and everyone felt that they were as prepped as one could ever be, but by this point, our patience was growing thin—we were ready to play. In contrast to most people who travel to Myrtle Beach to golf for vacation, we treated this trip as more of a vocation.

On Danza Cup Eve, the Red and Blue Teams were of different schools of thought regarding rest vs. rust. With the whole Red Team having made the trip the day before, they opted for one final practice round to work out the kinks before the big day. The Blue Team, with three members still on the road for most of the day, and the other relaxing on the beach, had chosen the path of resting the body and mind. It would soon be determined which of the clashing philosophies would pay off, but one thing was universal—the juices were flowing.

While the remaining members of the Blue Team were finishing their drive, the Red Team headed out for a late morning tee time at the Gary Player-designed Blackmoor Golf Club. It would be a little friendly competition between the team’s two scramble pairings for the Danza, with West and Storm vs. Trey and Johnny. It was one hell of a hot and humid day, and would prove to be a true test for what the Danza boys were about to be in for.

Straying from the classic Danza format of match play, this round was to be a fun but competitive stroke-play round. The boys were sent out to the back nine to open their round on the tenth hole, and would ultimately finish on number nine. The usual tee boxes for the tenth hole were under construction, which pushed the makeshift tee boxes around forty-to-fifty-yards forward to allow for the possibility of approaching the green with a good tee shot; which is exactly what West and Storm had done. After a not particularly spectacular, but perfectly serviceable drive, Trey and Johnny landed the green from their approach shot and gave themselves a birdie chance. West and Storm on the other hand, had a roughly thirty-yard chip shot to the green from their drive. Storm hit a perfect little runner shot that skipped up to the green and was rolling right on target before clunking the flagstick and dropping in for eagle to kickoff the round. All four guys went nuts, and were hopeful that this would be a microcosm of events to come for the Red Team this weekend. Trey and Johnny would settle for par, but they couldn’t have been happier for their teammates. What a start to Danza weekend.

After finishing what was the back nine at two-under par, Trey and Johnny held a one-stroke lead as they headed to the front. But, they would quickly follow up with a bogey on one, and things were once again all-square with eight to play. The momentum began to shift in West and Storm’s favor as they commanded a two-shot lead with four holes to play. A bogey on the par-3, sixth (fifteenth) hole by West/Storm gave Trey and Johnny a little more leash. West and Storm would hold their one-shot lead heading into the last hole. After getting themselves in some early trouble, West and Storm wouldn’t reach the green until their third shot, leaving themselves with a long putt for par. Trey and Johnny had landed the green in regulation, and had approximately fifteen-feet for birdie. West/Storm had a solid lag-putt, but would still have around four-feet left for bogey. This gave Trey/Johnny the opportunity to go for the win. Johnny mis-hit his putt, hitting the ground with his putter prior to making contact, leaving his ball well shy of the hole. With a chance for the win, Trey gave it a hell of a run, but missed by a few inches and tapped in for par. Anything but a sure putt from four-feet, the pressure was now on West and Storm. Confident as can be, they jammed it in for bogey, and the match was, at last, a draw. Having thought about playing a tie breaker for a hot second, the boys decided it best for team morale to leave it as it stands and waltz into the Danza perfectly in sync. 

After the round, all the boys finally made it to the house, and with the trophy on display on the table in the main entrance, it all felt even more real. In addition to the trophy, there was also a bonus award to the winning team…

Not that any extra incentive was needed, but part of celebrating like a proper champion calls for the popping of champagne and puffing on victory cigars.

Pre-Tournament Dinner

The Pre-Tournament Ceremonial Dinner took place at the Aspen Grille, a fine seafood and steakhouse, picked out by the reigning MVP Michael Felton, as was his duty. Our table was up front and center, with an Italian singer at the mic just behind us covering classic hits by Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. Once again, all eyes shifted toward us while we strolled in wearing our vibrant, neon red and blue blazers as we were escorted to Table 1, where we damn well belonged. Always a cordial and fun evening between the rival teams as everyone sipped on fancy cocktails, enjoyed our oysters, steak, and crab while deciding which bets were to be made amongst one another, and laughing through the night. The waitress, as well as a couple patrons, asked about the blazers as expected, only to be met with the customary, vague “do you know who Tony Danza is?” response without giving any real explanation, to their bewilderment. The dinner was capped off with a review of the classic tournament rules as well as the addition of some new rules, such as the ever-memorable “Alligator Rule,” which stated that one may have free relief if it was deemed their ball landed too closely to alligator territory—a rule that the Danza HR department, if it were to exist, would be proud of; and, as we would later discover, one that even Golf Digest approves of. 

Back at the house post-dinner, we finalized our bets before cramming into tiny bunk beds and suppressing our excitement as best we could to get at least a few hours of sleep before the big day. And finally, the fifteen-month wait was over, and what always seemed like the distant future, was now.

“It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. It took one afternoon on the golf course.” – Hank Aaron

Day I

Round I: Best Ball – World Tour Golf Links, Myrtle Beach, SC

I don’t know how much sleep everyone ended up getting, but there was no need for alarms this particular morning. The rooms were buzzing with excitement at zero six hundred hours, with guys getting their stretch band work in, putting on their new uniforms, and talking team strategy. The designated battlefield to kick off the tournament was World Tour Golf Links—a unique course featuring famous golf holes from legendary courses around the world, including Augusta’s Amen Corner, #1 and 18 at St. Andrews, TPC Sawgrass #17, Bay Hill #11, and Oakmont #14 just to name a few. Seeing as we may never get the opportunity to play most of these courses, these replicas would be the next best thing, and it was a perfect fit for the Danza.

Upon arrival to the course, we were greeted with about as friendly a staff as you could ever hope for, and just seeing that epic clubhouse, we certainly could sense that this Danza was going to be different from the previous two, as we were clearly stepping things up a notch. From there, it was all business. We went straight to the range and the putting green, got our warm-ups in, and it was off to the opening tee box. We’re reaching the point in these yearly write ups that this next sentence won’t even need to be transcribed, as it goes without saying, but hell with it, I’m going to mention it anyway. We stood on that first tee box, right hands over our hearts, and pledged allegiance to Tony Danza, as the Who’s The Boss? theme song played on. As soon as that angelic song finished, it was time. The anticipation was over. It was finally happening.

Per tradition, the tournament would begin with the Best Ball event, and it was The C/D matchup up first—Jared Blatt and Jeremy Hardy of the Blue Team vs. Eric Storm and Johnny Belancic of the Red Team. The defending champs tee off first, and it was Blatt to hit the opening shot of the tournament.

A ground ball down the third base line that didn’t quite travel light-year distance; obviously, it wasn’t the prettiest shot, but, it was a glorious shot, because it meant we were officially off and running. The first hole to be played was the replica version of #1 at St. Andrews. After fairly decent drives by the other three gents, it was the approach shots that ended up making the difference. Both Storm and Johnny threw their second shots into the stream that traverses the fairway just before the green. After taking their drops, the Red Team boys each put it on the green and two-putted their way to double bogey. Blatt, on the other hand, laid up to avoid the water, reached the green in three, and two-putted for a bogey to take the hole. Despite a poor tee shot, sometimes just playing it safe and not making drastic mistakes is enough to win the hole. And just like that, Blue was on the board.

They would continue that momentum and take the first three holes to build an early, commanding lead. From there, the remainder of the front nine was rather volatile, playing out like a Rocky Balboa-Apollo Creed-style boxing match where the game plan called for completely disregarding a defensive stance and quick jobs in favor of exclusively throwing haymakers to the face, as eight of the nine holes had a definitive result. The back nine on the other hand, felt more like the Floyd Mayweather-Manny Pacquiao bout where nothing seemed to happen and no one could land a real punch, as the next seven holes were halved.

The Blue Team, having led 2-Up since the turn, mathematically couldn’t lose, but the Red Team was still determined to string together a couple wins and steal a half-point. With Blue in for bogey, Johnny was able to knock in a nail-biting three-footer for par to take the seventeenth hole, keeping Red’s hope alive and adding some dramatic flair in the process. That hope would shrink in size pretty quickly as Johnny’s tee shot went into the lip of the fairway bunker and Storm’s approach shot went into the water. Despite the wheels falling off the track, the Red Team pushed on, and was able to put some real pressure on, but ultimately it wasn’t enough. The Blue Team came up clutch when they needed to. Jeremy banged in a four-footer to win the hole and end the match, bringing home the first point of the tournament. Blue team leads 1-0. 

“Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.” – Unknown

Following the four stooges giving it their best imitation of playing golf, it was the A/B’s turn to tee off. If we’re going to stick with the boxing metaphors, then this matchup above all else in the tournament, was Ali vs. Frazier. It goes without much surprise that when the four best players go toe-to-toe with each other, it makes for an exciting round, but even still, this round exceeded expectations by a mile.

After halving the opening hole with pars, it was #2 where the party really got started. Despite throwing his tee shot out of bounds, Felton came back firing, as he drained a fifty-foot putt for par. Having to recollect his composure after watching that jaw-dropping putt, West was able to counter by sinking a ten-footer for birdie, giving Felton the proverbial Mutombo finger wag and the Red Team a 1-Up advantage. Continuing that momentum, Red followed up with another birdie on the replica TPC island green off a long putt by Trey, while the Blue Team boys threw their balls into the water. Red was off to a hot start, leading 2-Up through three, but this rollercoaster hadn’t even gotten to its first down drop yet, much less the loop-de-loop into corkscrew that was to come.

Red would bogey the next two holes to Blue’s par-birdie combo, and through five holes it was back to ground zero. After a halved hole on six, the Blue Team bogeyed the “replica” Augusta sixteenth and Red was back up one. I say replica facetiously because of all the holes on the course, that one looked the least like the real deal; not that we were expecting the true Augusta feel, but it was hilariously dissimilar. Anyways, following a halved eighth hole, it was onto St. Andrews #18 to close out the front nine.

After a perfect drive down the middle, West again followed up with a perfect approach shot, landing his ball five-to-six-inches from the cup for a tap-in birdie. James didn’t have his best hole, and it was up to Felton to try and birdie to avoid going down two. His approach shot just barely landed on the far back, right side of the largest green in North America. Fortunately for Felton, he was putting for birdie; unfortunately for Felton, it was a 150-foot downhill breaker. The Red Team was feeling good about the prospect of heading to the back nine 2-Up. Fifty-yards remaining—the length of half a football field—it would almost feel more appropriate to use a sand wedge than a putter, but nevertheless, Felton gave it an obligatory whack and began praying to the golf gods. West, who was standing there holding the flagstick, awaiting to put it back in the cup and move onto the back nine with a two-hole cushion once Felton’s ball came to an eventual stop, had a more unnerving wait than he had anticipated. Slowly chugging along, the ball kept going and going, gradually breaking towards the hole. The boys watched on, half of which counting on the miss, the other half wishing for the impossible. If the Red Team’s collective jaw hadn’t fully dropped after Felton’s fifty-footer on #2, it’s safe to say their divot fixers came in handy this time around, as they left two chin-shaped imprints in the ground as Felton’s ball rolled into the cup. It was Felton’s turn to give West the Mutombo finger wag.

One-hundred and fifty-feet. Fifty-yards. Half a football field. An Olympic swimming pool. One-fourth as long as the Washington Monument. Half as long as the Statue of Liberty. Any way you want to dice it up, it’s the longest made putt in Danza history, and frankly, the longest made putt any of us had ever seen, period. Whether Felton had struck a chord with his prayer to the golf gods or Bugs Bunny was beneath that green with his magnet is still to be determined, but whatever forces came together to make that happen, it certainly felt supernatural. The pure jubilation of the Blue Team, the utter disbelief of the Red Team. If the ups and downs of this front nine alone could be measured on an EKG lead, it would read like a cardiac arrest in progress; which, at this point, is what the Red Team thought they were experiencing after that heart-shattering ninth hole. Did I mention this round was a rollercoaster?

After coming off the highs and the lows, depending on which side you were on of Felton’s putt, the boys had to collect themselves before heading to the back nine, because this fight was only half over. But as fate would have it, a completely different and rather unexpected fight began to unfold. As Trey was in the midst of lining up his shot, he suddenly found himself squaring up with an extremely aggressive fox squirrel. You see, most of the time you’re battling it out with your opponents, sometimes you’re battling it out with your own self, and other times, you’re battling it out with rodents, but hey, that’s the Danza. Trey successfully fought off the deadly squirrel, and onward they went. West had chipped in for birdie, only to have his ball pop up out of the hole, leading him to fall on the ground and do a backwards somersault in disgust at the madness that continued to occur. Red had to settle for par, but fortunately, the golf gods threw them a bone, as Blue missed a makeable par-putt, giving Red that two-hole cushion they felt they deserved. But the Blue Team quickly bounced back with a much-needed birdie, bringing it back within one. Another halved hole and it was onto Amen Corner.

Both teams would par the Augusta #11 replica before heading to the prized hole of the course, Augusta’s “Golden Bell.” Each team had cleared that dreaded pond and landed the green, but it was James to sink a long putt for birdie to square things back up with just four to play. Each time one team took a body shot, they countered right back with a left hook to the chin, as Red immediately responded with a birdie of their own off a forty-foot putt by West, in which he instinctively yelled BOO YAH! And then turned to Trey and repeated, boo yah..? Confused by the word selection for his own celebration. A couple more halved holes later and it was off to eighteen with Red leading by one.

It all came down to eighteen, a replica of Bay Hill’s #11. A rather difficult, 395-yard par-4 with bunkers to your right and a whole lot of water to your left; this tee shot calls for accuracy to say the least. Something Felton didn’t exemplify as he threw his tee shot in the drink. West, who had an exceptional day to this point, picked the wrong time to pop his tee shot straight up in the air for a total distance of about eighty-yards. He followed up with a nice recovery shot, and then he flushed his approach shot, but unfortunately, he may have had too much adrenaline pumping in his veins, because he hit it over the green and out of bounds into the clubhouse bushes. It now became a mano-a-mano contest between Trey and James. It took Trey three shots before he finally reached the green, leaving himself with a ten-footer for par. James had a very makeable putt for par, and it was looking like he very well may take the hole and snatch a half-point for the Blue Team. But Trey had other plans; staying cool and collected, he buried that ten-footer for par and ended the Blue Team’s hopes. Down goes Frazier! Down goes Frazier! It was arguably the most epic matchup from start to finish in Danza history to this point. Two heavyweights slugging it out, going punch for punch with that bend but don’t break mentality. And on such a unique and fun course, this round set the tone for the Danza that was to come. 

Johnny/Storm vs. Jeremy/Blatt – 2-Up Blue

West/Trey vs. James/Felton – 1-Up Red

Red Team: 1

Blue Team: 1

“If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play at it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.” – Bob Hope

Round II: Scramble – Tidewater Golf Club, North Myrtle Beach, SC

Heading into Round II with the score knotted at one-all, it was the beautiful oceanfront course, Tidewater Golf Club, to be played. Still coming down from the wild emotions of that epic opening round, we were back to a clean slate and ready to start anew in the Scramble Round. This round would be a real test, with eighteen holes under our belt and the temperature now in the nineties—and the humidity approaching the same—it was time to put on our big boy pants. The first group to take the tee box was Felton and Blatt vs. West and Storm, but we’ll get to them in a minute; let’s talk about Trey and Johnny vs. James and Jeremy for now.

It didn’t feel like much time had past since the last meeting of this scramble pairing, mostly because of their previous unfinished round that was made up a solid half-year later. Nevertheless, it was time to reconvene. Both groups got started off on the right foot, each having a very makeable birdie putt on the par-5 first hole. Red was out, and thus went first, giving it their try at a ten-footer, only to leave it short by a few inches. The Blue Team would do no such thing, as they came out guns blazing by jamming in their five-footer for birdie to take a 1-Up lead from the get-go. The Red Team, however, immediately fired back with a birdie of their own, as Johnny drained a fifteen- to twenty-footer. All-square heading to three, they were up against a beautiful par-3 along the ocean marsh, surrounded by massive bunkers, and a tiered green with an intimidating downslope. With the wind whipping in our faces, the Danza crew in front gave the necessary tip to club up, and then club up again. Johnny and James’ balls had landed in roughly the same spot on the green, but it was the Red Team that got that ever sought-after lucky bounce, as Johnny’s ball rolled down to about twelve feet, while James’ ball stayed put atop the slope. Left with a very long, downhill breaker, it had three-putt written all over it. James, clearly feeling saucy, had just the right touch to put the ball to a few inches for a tap-in par. Red didn’t capitalize on their birdie chance, and with two pars, all-square it would remain.

Red put their tee shots in the fairway bunker on four, had some difficulty recovering, and took their first bogey. Having a three-foot, extremely downhill putt, Blue’s options were either make it for par, or be left with ten-feet coming back for bogey. Jeremy buried the knee-knocker and gave Blue the lead. But after going OB and taking a double bogey on five, their lead was immediately relinquished and never to return. They just didn’t know it yet.

The events that would ensue for the remainder of the round have yet to be scientifically proven in a peer-reviewed journal, but experts have hypothesized that both Trey and Johnny were bitten by either mosquitos or one of those demon-like fox squirrels, leading to a very rare condition, medically defined as “make-every-puttitis.” Researchers are still work-shopping the name, but the condition was very real. After winning another hole and now leading by one, Trey then solo-eagled the par-5 eighth hole to go 2-Up, despite the Blue Team’s perfectly executed, tap-in birdie. It was at this point that James dejectedly uttered, “Well Jeremy, I guess we just have to make eagles now.”

If the Blue Team hadn’t already reached their breaking point after being 3-Down through the front nine, it certainly happened on number ten, when Johnny rocketed a twenty-five-foot putt into the back of the hole that popped up in the air and fell back into the cup to halve the hole. It was then that the Blue Team knew there was nothing they could do; it just wasn’t meant to be. They let their frustrations get the better of them on eleven with errant tee shots followed by a string of curse words and club throws. They bogeyed the hole, and it was now Trey’s turn to drop in another long par-putt to take the hole and extend the lead to 4-Up. The Blue Team would eventually win one more hole to reduce the deficit to three, but it was promptly met with Johnny sinking yet another twenty-foot putt for birdie to bring the lead back to four.

Now 4-Up with four to play, the boys moved onto the fifteenth—and what would be their final—hole. With the Red Team a mere eighty-yards out on their approach shot, all they had to do was land the ball on the green and likely just two-putt their way to a victory, but Johnny bladed it and Trey chunked it, leaving their best option in a greenside bunker. Unable to close things out right away, they left a small, very dim, glimmer of hope for the Blue Team to take the hole and pray they could end up forcing a tie. But through their frustrations, they too couldn’t capitalize. After overshooting their approach shot and then screwing up their chip shots, they would eventually settle for bogey. Trey had a beautiful out from the bunker, placing the ball to ~three-feet, allowing Johnny to tap it in for par without giving it much thought to end the round with a dominant, 5&3 victory. It wasn’t that the Blue Team made that many mistakes or even played poorly at all; sometimes, it’s just the other team’s day. And on this day, with their gilded putters, it was the Red Team that could do no wrong.

“Every shot counts. The three-foot putt is as important as the three-hundred-yard drive.” – Henry Cotton

As soon as Trey/Johnny and James/Jeremy’s round ended, the boys figured they might as well drive up and see what was going on in the matchup ahead. Hearing a roar on the seventeenth green as they approached the group in front, they would quickly be informed of the momentous circumstances taking place as they headed to the eighteenth tee box. The tension was palpable, and once again, it all came down to the last hole… but like I said, we’ll get there. First, let’s start from the top.

In their meeting last year, it was this group of boys—no, men—that had the stones to finish their Scramble round in the hurricane-like gusts and freezing torrential downpour, where they weren’t so much considered golfers as they were survivors. The weather was on their side this year. Hot and humid? Sure. You could even say it was rather uncomfortable, but at least they weren’t fighting tornados. They could save their combat energy for each other—well, and maybe also the demon squirrels.

Each team started off with back-to-back pars; dancing around, really just feeling each other out and waiting for someone to throw the first punch. But it was neither the Red, nor the Blue Team to throw the first punch, but rather, it was the wind that took the initial strike. On the par-3 third hole, after gunning the distance to the flag with their handy-dandy range finders, West and Storm got what they thought were the appropriate clubs, underestimating the wind like the amateurs we are; gave ‘em a clean strike, and watched as the ocean winds ravaged their balls like Genghis Khan in a Mongolian village. They were better off putting their range finders away in exchange for a beach towel and some sunscreen, because each of them found sand. Upon watching West’s ball also land in one of the many bunkers that created a fortress around the green, Felton and Blatt were on their way back to the cart to swap their clubs for something a little more… driver-y. They evidently made the correct selection, because Felton stuck it to twenty-feet. West and Storm were able to escape the dunes, but not gracefully enough to avoid bogey. The Blue Team two-putted their way to a hole-winning par, giving them the opening lead of the match.

That lead would be short-lived though, as Blue followed up with a bogey of their own. Quick to turn the tables, the Red Team knocked in a birdie on five and posted a par to Blue’s bogey on six, winning three consecutive holes to extend their lead to 2-Up. But golf is a game of runs, and it was time for the Blue Team to turn this ship around. Navigating their way around the iceberg that is being 3-Down, they birdied the seventh and took the eighth with par, once again evening the score. Closing out the front nine on a par-3, Blatt was the only one to land the green. Unable to get up and down, Red frustratingly tapped in for bogey and left the door open for the Blue Team to take control going into the back. But in a heated contest with who could shoot themselves in the foot more, Blue wound up three-putting to halve the hole, keeping the score all nice and symmetrical at the turn.

The ping-pong match continued; Blue bogeyed the tenth, giving Red the lead. Red bogeyed right back, even once more. The twelfth hole was a par-3 with an island green along the coast. Right as Blatt sent his ball soaring in the air, West screamed, “Get in the water!” And his ball, did in fact, get in the water. The guys had a good laugh, and then everyone went on to bogey the hole hand-in-hand, keeping the bogey train rolling in full force. Each team was in for a pair of pars on thirteen and fourteen thanks to some brilliant lag-putting by the Red Team and a missed birdie chance on fourteen by the Blue Team. On the par-4 fifteenth, both teams duffed their approach shots before finally reaching the green in three. With relatively long putts remaining for par, Blatt put his right on line, but it had just a little too much gas, as his ball hit the back center of the cup and bounced out. But when Robin isn’t capable of cleaning up the streets, Batman steps in, and Felton took the line that Blatt gave him and banged it in. The Red Team had the opportunity to halve the hole, but they couldn’t close the deal. Finally, they missed a putt, said Felton, as the Blue Team took a 1-Up lead with three to play.

Neither team made a move on sixteen and Blue was holding onto their 1-Up lead for dear life with two to go. When the boys made it up to the seventeenth tee box, they quickly realized they would be hitting into a NASA-level wind tunnel. The par-3, listed at 177-yards, felt as if it was playing like 225. Shockingly, despite our Tour-like abilities, no one landed the green. Storm even hit driver and he still landed short. Neither team dazzled anyone with their chip shots. The Blue Team put it on but had a long ways to go to par. Storm placed his to about fifteen-feet before West flubbed his shot one whole foot. Two long putts for par remained. The stakes were high, and any made putt here would have dramatic implications. The Blue Team was up first. They gave it a roll, but no dice. The ball was in the Red Team’s court; if they were going to win this thing, they needed to make this putt. Storm gave it his best go at it, but it wasn’t in the cards. With fifteen-feet of downhill break and a metric ton of pressure, West rolled it into the cup and gave a fist pump and roar that Tiger would be proud of.

This was about the time that the group behind had been strolling up the cart path to see what was going on. Through seventeen holes of golf, the match had been all-square for ten of those holes, the Red Team had led for a total of four holes, the Blue Team had led for three, and each team had held the lead on two separate occasions. These teams were as evenly matched as it gets, and what a whirlwind of seventeen holes of golf it had been, to say the least. And in back-to-back rounds involving West and Felton, it all came down to eighteen.

The entire eight-man Danza crew rode up to the eighteenth tee box feeling like a cavalry of soldiers mounted on their stallions rather than the bunch of third-rate golfers in matching uniforms that they actually were. If there wasn’t already enough pressure as is, now the boys had their teammates watching every swing.  Up first was the Red Team. Storm crushed his tee shot dead center down the fairway, allowing West to really go for it. West followed suit by pounding his drive 280-290 down the middle. The Blue Team matched the intensity of their opposition, and both Blatt and Felton knocked their drives roughly 250 down the pike. Both teams were throwing darts on their approach shots, and had about ten-to-fifteen-feet left for birdie. The Blue Team went first from ~fifteen-feet; each of them had near-perfect putts, but sadly, they both just barely lipped out for birdie, resulting in a well-executed tap-in par. But on this particular hole, par was simply not good enough, as the Red Team drilled the ten-footer for birdie and earned the victory. An instant classic of a finish, and most importantly, that’s exactly how it happened.  It definitely did not happen in any other way, that much I can say. Because as an unbiased teller of this story, and most certainly not a Red Team member, that’s how history will remember this hole. So don’t listen to the Blue Team guys when they tell you the “real” story of how things played out because for one, it’s a lie, and two, it’s just not good storytelling.  But for the sake of hearing both sides, I’ll you the story the way they think it should be told…

…so in the Blue Team’s version of this tall tale—folklore, if you will—it goes a little like this: The Red Team had honors, and it was Storm who took the first rip. He gave it a decent whack, sending it approximately 200-yards, but to the way right. West attempted to really blast one out there to allow them the opportunity to attack the green. He gave it an honest attempt—a workingman’s attempt—the old college try, but he scooped completely under the ball and sent it flying fifty-feet straight up in the air, traveling a grand-total distance of ten-yards. The Blue Team put theirs safely out into the fairway, but didn’t exactly crush it. From each team’s lie, their next shot was arguably the most intimidating of the round. Each team still had roughly 220-240-yards to the flag with the wind in their face and a large patch of fescue in the distance. This shot required nerves of steel. West hit possibly his best shot of the round, a 3-wood that cleared the fescue but was ultimately murdered by the wind and left about forty-yards short of the green. The Blue Team also clutched up and cleared the wasteland, but they too came up well shy of the green. Neither team followed with great chip shots, as the Blue Team skied the green and went long, while the Red Team didn’t put enough elbow grease in their swing and left it on the very front of the green.

In the Blue Team’s rendition of this chronicle, the following sequence of events gets awfully hazy, so who’s to say what really happened. But nevertheless, I will trudge onward. With thirty-feet of green separating the Red Team’s ball from the hole, and four-to-five-feet of rough between the Blue Team’s ball and the green, their next shots would require precision accuracy. Felton had the poise to stick his chip to four-feet, giving the Blue Team a more than manageable bogey-putt. The Red Team had an excellent lag-putt, just barely rolling it past the hole, leaving only a foot and-a-half back to the cup. Two short putts and a mountain of anxiety remained. Blatt went first, and he decided it best to chop the head off the snake and bury the putt, sparing Felton the emotional strain. The Blue Team was in for bogey, and 1.5 feet of green separated the Red Team from the same.

On any other particular hole, this putt was arguably a gimme. But there are indisputably no gimme putts on the eighteenth hole of a Danza match, much less when that putt will decide the outcome of the entire round. A quick tap-in to halve the match and the Red Team would possess a 2.5-1.5 lead at the conclusion of Day I. Storm walked up to his ball, took a look at it, and gave her a tap. It immediately broke left and lipped out. Not ideal, the Red Team thought, but whatever, they still had West’s turn. The tension, now cranked up to eleven, gave West pause, so he decided to take a longer look and a deep breath to calm the nerves before lining up his putt. Figuring Storm had just pulled his putt by letting his nerves get the best of him, West lined it up down the center and gave it a tap. Advisory warning: NSFW—his ball also instantly broke left and rimmed out.

It’s not often that a one-and-a-half-putt has a true break to it, but in this case it did, and the Red Team simply underestimated it. Funny enough, when the guys were putting together their prop bets the night before, one of them was whether or not a bogey would win a hole in the Scramble round. It was quickly written off that that wouldn’t happen. But wouldn’t you know it, that bogey-double bogey combo chose to rear its ugly head on the eighteenth, not only to decide the hole, but also the entire match.

The Blue Team would finish with a 1-Up, hard-fought victory. But despite the epic win, not a soul on the Blue Team celebrated. Hell, not a word was said between either team for the next five minutes. It was one of those moments from the victor’s perspective that you always want to win, and you’re glad you won, but you just don’t want to see it happen like that. A feeling of relief for the Blue Team; despair for the Red Team, but ultimately, the Danza Cup does not give one damn about your feelings, and it lends itself to no one. You want it; go get it.

Concluding Day I, the competition was knotted 2-2, but this marathon was only half over, and with a whole lot of golf left to be played, Day II would be a race to 3.5 points. But again, this is all hearsay… Blue Team propaganda as many are calling it…

West/Storm vs. Felton/Blatt – 1-Up Blue

Trey/Johnny vs. James/Jeremy – 5&3 Red

Red Team: 2

Blue Team: 2

Day II

“Of all the hazards, fear is the worst.” – Sam Snead

Round III: Alternate Shot – Prestwick Country Club, Myrtle Beach, SC

A few hours of pool time and several beers in the twilight hours of Day I was just what the doctor ordered, but now, we were back at the course for Day II. Prestwick Country Club was the track to be played for the Alt-Shot round, and we didn’t know it before we got there, but we would soon find out that it was probably the most pristine and beautiful course most of us have ever played to this point. After receiving another jovial greeting from the staff, we were pointed in the direction of the driving range. This may not be the case for all Danza members, but for some—particularly West and Johnny, the driving range is a wicked, satanic place. It’s a good idea in theory, but unless you’re a professional who requires two hours of warm-ups on the range prior to your round, it is highly recommended to outright avoid it. But since I mentioned West and Johnny, let’s start with them.

Following their range session from hell, which consisted of West quickly putting his clubs away before completely losing his game, and Johnny not being able to physically drive a ball higher than six-inches off the ground (coupled with a disastrous slice), they hopped in the golf cart with zero confidence and broken spirits to go tee off against Felton and Jeremy.

This matchup last year resulted in the second largest winning margin in Danza Cup history, with the Blue Team dominating from start to finish en route to a 6&4 victory. Only West’s commanding 8&6 victory over PJ in the Individual round of the Inaugural Danza had a wider margin. Suffice it to say West knew what it felt like to be on both ends of a single round curb-stomping. But that was neither here nor there, because this wasn’t 2020 or 2021 anymore, and as soon as the boys took that tee box, they would be starting with a blank canvas.

Johnny took the opening swing of the round, pounding his drive ~260 down the middle—possibly his best drive of the tournament. West and Johnny immediately burst out laughing, because of all the drives he hit at the range, not one even remotely resembled what had just occurred. It was that age-old feeling amateur golfers get when they convince themselves that the worse range session they had, the better they will play. It makes no sense and it’s probably a placebo effect, but regardless, that’s all it took for Johnny to shake off the demons that the sinister driving range had bestowed upon him. But despite the beautiful opening tee shot, the remainder of the hole quickly went to hell in a hand basket for both teams.

The Blue Team sliced their tee shot and got stuck behind a tree. They punched out into the fairway and then threw their third shot over the green. Meanwhile, with a nice fluffed up fairway lie from sixty-yards out, West chunked his sand wedge shot and sent the ball into the bunker. Johnny, who is inadequate at best from the bunker, would’ve been better off with a GPS device, because he was unable to find his way out. West had a little more success at getting out of the sand, but still only barely put it on the green. The Blue Team had a nice chip onto the green and were left with five-feet for bogey. The Red Team ended up two-putting their way to double bogey. Furious that they allowed themselves to self-destruct after such a great drive, they watched on helplessly as the Blue Team was eyeing up a five-footer to win the hole. But similar to a Billy Madison gesture of goodwill, the Blue Team felt a nice warm stream of liquid going down their collective leg as they missed the putt and halved the hole at double bogey. “If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis,” Jeremy nonverbally said, after the missed putt.

But as all great golfers do, they “forget” their bad holes and move onto the next one without letting it affect them. And that’s exactly what both teams did… as they went on to also double bogey the second hole. I didn’t say it was because they let their previous bad hole affect their next one. It just happened again because they suck. Two holes and a combined four double bogeys later and the match remained tied with sixteen to play. The fellas were cruisin’.

The Red Team was able to convert the first par of the round on three to take a 1-Up lead. They would also win four and five, taking three consecutive holes to build a comfortable lead. A double bogey by Red on six brought the lead down to two, and just when it was looking like they would bring it right back to three, Blue halved the seventh off of Jeremy’s disgusting chip shot from a near impossible lie that came up one-inch shy of going in. The eighth was halved with a pair of bogeys, and it was time to play one of the two most beautiful holes on the course.

The ninth and eighteenth holes running in parallel, separated by a body of water and meeting at the clubhouse make up the signature holes of the course. Equally intimidating as they are pretty, the fear of water was certainly in play. Despite this, all four guys got off the tee with a solid drive. With Johnny and West having similar lies, the Red Team elected to have Johnny hit the second shot and allow West to have the approach shot and attack the green. West told Johnny to just hit his safest club and he would then go for the flag. Johnny said you got it pal, as he pulled out the big dog. West cautiously asked, “Is that your safest club?” To which Johnny replied, “Yeah, I feel really good with this thing today.” And he proceeded to hook his ball directly into the water. West was pretty pumped. Meanwhile, Jeremy hit a great second shot that allowed Felton to safely put one on the green from a hundred out. A casual two-putt and they were in for an easy par, while the Red Team limped their way to yet another double bogey. The Blue Team was clawing their way back, but it was the Red Team by one at the turn.

Red responded by taking the tenth. On the eleventh, Felton’s birdie chip lipped out in brutal fashion, and following the dart that West threw to five-feet, Johnny made the putt for birdie to take another. The Blue Team double bogeyed the par-5 twelfth, and just like that the Red Team took three in a row to extend their lead to 4-Up. Each team parred the par-3, thirteenth, and with the Red Team leading 4-Up with five to play, if they won any singular hole going forward they would end the match. This fact may have cursed them, as they allowed the thoughts to creep in of ending the match early to go watch their counterparts finish up—focusing more on what was going on over there than finishing their own match first.

The Red Team’s tee shots went out of bounds on fourteen. They continued to fumble around and take double bogey to Blue’s par. No biggie, still 3-Up with four to play; win a hole and it’s over. A quick stop at the bathroom for Felton to drop off some logs, and he returned a man possessed. The Blue Team appeared to have turned things up a notch, bombing their drives down the middle. Once again errant off the tee, Johnny went way left, getting stuck under a tree, and West went OB. West punched out to the fairway and Johnny followed by chunking it; advancing his ball a mere twenty-yards. Blue wasn’t able to capitalize on their approach shots, missing the green short. They put their next one on, but with a long putt remaining, it was looking like they’d be settling for bogey. Meanwhile, despite Johnny only hitting his ball twenty-yards forward into a wide-open patch of rough, his ball mystically vanished in thin air. The four guys searched for about ten minutes, but no dice. It had evaporated. And with that, the most ruthless rule of the Danza was implemented. After a bout of club smashing and a long stream of curse words, the Red Team painfully took their drop. They put their chip shot on the green, but it didn’t matter; the Blue Team lagged their par-putt to a few inches and tapped in for bogey to take the hole. With the Red Team on tilt over the Houdini ball (mostly Johnny; West handled it a little better) and the Blue Team now on a run, the tides had shifted, and all of a sudden we had ourselves a ballgame again. The Red Team’s lead was down to two with three to play.

The 153-yard par-3 sixteenth had a platform green surrounded by a creek. Continuing their momentum, the Blue Team dropped a dime to the center of the green. West and Johnny had each cleared the water, but put their balls on the fringe on each side of the green. With similar putts, they nominated West to take the lag-putt. He didn’t quite get enough of it, leaving Johnny with seven-to-eight-feet for par. The Blue Team once again easily two-putted their way to par, and it was up to Johnny to make an eightish-footer to halve the hole. But, it was not in the cards. He missed the putt and their lead was reduced to 1-Up with two to play. Oh, the drama.

Blue was firing on all cylinders, while Red’s frustration was at an all time high. Onward they went. Next in line was the near 500-yard par-5 seventeenth. The Blue Team didn’t have very good tee shots to say the least, but luckily for them, the Red Team matched their suck and had equally poor tee shots. It was the C players who would take the second shot. Jeremy hit an average one out into the fairway, but still left Felton with a long shot into the green. Johnny pulled out that same ole big dog of a club that he hooked into the water on nine, because surely this was the time he would flush it. He hit a ground ball that fortunately for Red, got a better roll than it seemed like it was going to, leaving West with 150-out to the green. A creek of water protected the green, and these next shots had no room for error.

The Blue Team was up first with Felton taking a stab at it from ~180-190-yards to the flag. Felton and Jeremy deliberated for a few minutes before Felton said, “We can’t win it on this shot, but we can lose it,” and ultimately decided to play it safe and layup, thus putting the ball in the Red Team’s court and leaving them with a decision to make—almost daring them to go for it. The Red Team thought for a moment of doing the same out of fear of the water and the wind in their faces. Of course, they decided to go for it, but even still, they had to discuss how aggressive they should be. Club up and simply try to clear the water, or attack the flag? Channeling his inner Roy McAvoy, there was never any doubt West would choose anything other than attacking the flag. He may have been playing with fire, but if you never play with fire you’ll never cook a meal. And dammit if he didn’t hit the best shot of the entire round, putting his ball on a rope to within ten-feet of the cup. The Red Team fist pumped and celebrated as if they just knocked in a fifty-foot putt for the win. Given the circumstances and the overall pressure of a Danza match, it was as clutch a shot as it gets, and with one swipe of his club he knocked the wind out of the Blue Team’s sails. At this point, the Blue Team’s only hope was to get up and down from seventy-five-yards and pray that Johnny missed the birdie putt just to give themselves a shot at winning the eighteenth to halve the match. But that would almost be hoping for hope’s sake, and the Blue Team knew it. Jeremy gave it a customary whack, but regardless of his efforts, he chunked the ball and threw it into the water. The Blue Team took one last drop and gave a valiant effort to bury that final chip shot, but it was to no avail. They gave the Red Team their formal concession to pickup their ball, and with that, the match was over.

It was a wild ride of emotions down the stretch for both teams. The Blue Team certainly could’ve rolled over and died when they were 4-Down with five to play, but they fought on with a never surrender mentality and turned it into a nail-biter finish. That seventeenth hole could’ve easily gone in a different direction and who knows how the round may have ended if it had. It was well agreed upon within the group that Felton made the right call to layup, given he may have had a one-in-ten chance to put it on the green from their position. Not to mention West arguably had a one-in-ten shot at landing his ball where he did. In this particular case, being overly aggressive paid off for the Red Team. Lord knows that same attitude cost them a hole or two earlier in the round, but that’s the way golf goes. As Phil Mickelson once said, “A great shot is when you pull it off. A smart shot is when you don’t have the guts to try it.” He may be right. After all, fortune favors the bold.

“Golf is a science, the study of a lifetime, in which you can exhaust yourself but never your subject.” – David Forgan

The second group out was Trey and Storm vs. James and Blatt. This matchup last year went in favor of the Blue Team; Red the year before that, and each in dominating fashion. Typically, this round comes down to which D player brings it more, and on any given day, that is subject to vary... by a lot. And that’s exactly the beauty of what makes this round so much fun. After watching the group up ahead fumble and bumble their way to matching double bogeys, it was their turn to take a stab at it.

In similar style as the preceding group, they too farted and pooped their way up the hole, with the Red Team winning the first with a double bogey to Blue’s triple. They were off and running, and it was already looking ugly, which made it beautiful. They halved the second and Red took the third with a bogey to Blue’s double bogey, going 2-Up early on. The fourth hole provided Blue with a great chance to get one back, as Blatt hit a safe one into the fairway on a reachable par-4 so James could take a big swing with driver to go for the green. James crushed one straight at the green, but it was protected by a creek in front and wooded area behind, and unfortunately they were unable to find the ball. Blue nonetheless managed to win the hole with par, and then followed up with a subsequent par to take the par-3 fifth to even the match. On hole six, Red opted to use Trey’s drive, and Storm hit an exceptional 4-wood onto the green. They were then faced with a long and challenging putt, and very carefully three-putted their way to par to take the hole, as Blue had bogeyed. Red took the seventh as well, but Blue responded with a sand-save for par on the par-3 eighth hole to bring it to within one.

Hole nine was particularly memorable for both teams. As touched on earlier, the beautiful par-5 follows the perimeter of a pond, with the fairway moving right to left, bunkers to the right, and water left the whole way. Trey hit his worst drive of the day, topping it short of the fairway, and Storm missed the fairway right, landing on a hillside in the dunes. Blatt’s drive was errant, but James hit a low draw that mirrored the fairway, leaving Blue in great position. Trey was able to make up for it, hitting an excellent hybrid up near the green, while Blatt mis-hit his 5-iron into the water. Red struggled a bit near the green and finished with a bogey, but Blue struggled likewise, and Red won the hole to go 2-Up to close the front nine.

Blue again bounced back on ten to bring it to within one. Red had the opportunity to go 2-Up with a birdie on the par-5 twelfth after Trey hit his approach to within very makeable range, but they couldn’t convert, settling for par and keeping the match at 1-Up Red. Blue then had a chance to even the score again on the par-3 thirteenth when James hit his gap wedge to about five-feet, with the B/C group watching on from the next tee. But Blue also failed to convert the putt, and Red got in for par to halve the hole and stay up one. Over the next two holes, Blue went bogey-bogey to the Red Team’s pair of pars, increasing Red’s lead to 3-Up with three to play. Now mathematically impossible for Red to lose, they would just need to halve any of the remaining holes to clinch the win. And with a pair of pars on the par-3 sixteenth, that’s exactly what they would do, ending the match 3-Up with two to play.

As mentioned earlier, this matchup goes to the team whose D player has the better round, and this year was no different. Storm had a strong outing, consistently hitting the fairway and allowing Trey to take the approach, which was a huge advantage on this course, because the greens and fairways were typically surrounded by high rough and dunes. Trey played his second shots well, and Red’s putting was strong. As for Blue, James had a nice round off the tee, but Blatt struggled with the driver for the most part, forcing him to take the second shot. Neither James nor Blatt’s short game could make up for it, and Blue struggled to make pars and bogeys. The round was back-and-forth, as all A/D Alt-shot rounds are, but Red maintained the upper hand and kept the Blue Team at an arm’s length throughout. Although they applied plenty of pressure, Blue never led the match. And as exciting as any Danza match is, nothing too crazy happened this round; no exceptionally memorable shots or wild twists and turns that some of the other rounds had—just a good old-fashioned battle where the Red Team outplayed the Blue Team. And, regardless of the match finishing on sixteen, the boys didn’t want to miss out on playing the two incredible finishing holes, so they played out seventeen and eighteen in a scramble format in an inspiring show of sportsmanship and love for the game, as that’s what the Danza is all about.

West/Johnny vs. Felton/Jeremy – 2&1 Red

Trey/Storm vs. James/Blatt – 3&2 Red

Red Team: 4

Blue Team: 2

“The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.” – Pete Dye

Round IV: Individual – TPC Myrtle Beach, Murrells Inlet, SC

Here we were, the final round. The Red Team commanded a 4-2 lead with four matches to play. They’ve been in this position before, and knew all too well that it was far from over. The Blue Team also knew it was far from over, as they had dominated the Individual rounds the previous two years and figured there was no reason they couldn’t do it again. The race to 5.5 points was in the homestretch, and the 2022 Danza Cup Champions would be crowned on Dustin Johnson’s home course, TPC Myrtle Beach. I don’t know if it was the heat, or exhaustion after fifty-four holes of golf, or if the scorecard flat-out lied to our faces about the course being only 6100-yards, but TPC played much longer than any of the previous three, and it wasn’t particularly close. For the sake of brevity I’m going to try to stick to just the highlights. So let’s get to it. 

Johnny vs. Jeremy

After running the randomizer machine, it was determined the A/C’s would head out first and B/D’s would close it down. Johnny and Jeremy were the first to take the tees. It took a mere one hole for bloodshed, as Jeremy knocked in a six-foot putt for par to Johnny’s bogey to give Blue the 1-Up lead. Rising like a Phoenix from the ashes following its defeat at the hands of Trey, the demon squirrel made its vengeful return on hole two with the sole intention of murdering Jeremy. With one eye looking over his shoulder, Jeremy tentatively took each swing with the expectation it would be his last, as the squirrel followed him up the entire length of the fairway. In spite of the potential assassin creeping up on him, Jeremy would also take the second hole to build an early two-hole lead before evading with his life. Struggling with his driver and irons, Johnny’s one saving grace was his hot putter, and when it was looking like he was about to go 3-Down as he was staring down a fifteen-foot bogey putt to Jeremy’s five-foot bogey putt, Johnny knocked it in and Jeremy missed, stealing one back. He drained another ten-footer on four to bring it back to even, and when faced with a six-footer to halve the fifth, Jeremy thought there was no question it was going in again, but this one wouldn’t fall to Jeremy’s surprise, giving Blue a 1-Up lead.

Johnny fought his damndest to keep it somewhat close through the front nine, as Jeremy maintained a 2-Up lead heading to the back. But following the ninth, Johnny wouldn’t win another hole thereafter. Jeremy took the tenth, thirteenth, and fourteenth to end the round in a landslide 5&4 victory. From start to finish, Jeremy played consistent golf tee to green, while Johnny struggled to get off the tee and couldn’t find a rhythm with his irons either. His putting could only get him so far, and even his luck on the green ran out eventually before Jeremy would overwhelm him. It was a good match through nine holes, but ultimately, Jeremy was just the better golfer, and Johnny was simply out-classed that day.

Trey vs. James

Going into this round Trey had maintained the upper hand over James, leading 3-0 over his counterpart and knocking on the door of being the second ever member of the coveted 4-0 Club along with Felton. Obviously, not just anybody obtains membership to that high class, elite club, and with James acting as its bouncer, Trey knew it would be a battle to get in.

Likewise to the C matchup, no time was wasted with bloodshed as James took the first hole with par to Trey’s bogey. Trey bounced back with a birdie on two to even things out, but James quickly shifted the momentum in his favor by taking the next three holes. On the par-5 sixth, Trey hit an incredible 3-wood shot 250-yards onto the green and figured this would be the kick start he needed to get one back. James immediately responded with a 225-yard hybrid shot onto the green of his own to Trey’s dismay. James placed his lag-putt to six-feet, while Trey rolled his to three-feet. Faced with a tricky six-footer for birdie, James nailed it in with authority. Trey also buried his three-foot knee-knocker but didn’t even get to feel the typical joy a birdie brings, since he still didn’t make up any ground after a perfectly played hole. James gave him a taste of what he felt in the Scramble round after birdying to lose the hole to Trey’s solo-eagle.

Another couple halved holes later and James would yet again take another hole to close out the front with an imposing 4-Up lead. Trey knew it would be a hell of a task to overcome this deficit, but he wasn’t about to give up. James knew all the same and planned to keep his foot on the gas. James took the tenth to extend his lead to 5-Up but Trey got it back to four after winning the eleventh. On the reachable 285-yard par-4 twelfth, both Trey and James hit their drives greenside and got up and down for birdie, now marking the second hole that was halved with birdies. James would make his third birdie of the day on fourteen to close out the round with an impressive 5&4 victory.

Overall, James brought his A+ game, showcasing his best off the tee, iron-play, and short game. Trey had a few excellent shots but did struggle off the tee a bit and was unable to salvage par often enough to keep pace with James. Playing together in a scramble, James and Jeremy got boat-raced, but in individual play, they turned the tables and did the exact same to Trey and Johnny, with a matching result of 5&4 Blue.

Storm vs. Blatt

Always the wildcard matchup, where a winning score on any given hole in this round can range somewhere between birdie and quad bogey. And this year provided the typical excitement this round usually brings. It started off with Blatt taking the opening hole with bogey. He followed that up by posting back-to-back tens on two and three to give Storm a 1-Up advantage. Despite his collective twenty strokes over two holes, Blatt was able to gather himself and rattle off wins in six consecutive holes to close out the front nine with a 5-Up lead. A daunting task for Storm to overcome to say the least, but as the saying goes, the Danza doesn’t start ‘til the back nine on… the Individual round? Something like that.

Storm would finally put an end to his run by taking the tenth, but again Blatt won two more consecutive holes, increasing his lead to 6-Up with six to play. Merely halving any hole going forward would lock up a point for Blue, but Storm wasn’t ready to throw in the towel quite yet, and he gave one last push. He took the next two holes and suddenly had some momentum going. By this point, the group in front’s round had ended and all eight guys were strolling up the fairway together following shot-for-shot. Posting a double bogey to Blatt’s triple, Storm reeled off his third straight, and was now 3-Down with three to play. He was fighting like hell to push for the draw, but ultimately he was just delaying the inevitable. Blatt finally got the best of him on the sixteenth, winning the hole and ending the hard-fought match with a 4&2 victory. It was one of those rounds that had it been stroke play, Storm very well may have won, but the Danza is match play, and Blatt was the better golfer on the majority of holes that day.

West vs. Felton

Ah, the B pairing. Through only two years of being paired together, this matchup is quickly becoming a classic. Each round they play together from start to finish seems to be a crescendo of intensity and adrenaline with some epic climax that usually takes place on the eighteenth hole. In their three matchups this year alone, they started with arguably the best round ever played in a Danza, followed by the wildest finish in Danza history, and then an all time back nine of the Alt-Shot round, so it was only fitting that this would be the closing matchup of the tournament.

The round got started quickly with West taking the first hole, and then two more after that through four, building a 3-Up lead. Felton punched back by taking five and six to bring it within one. West took the seventh and they halved eight and nine to close the front with a 2-Up lead in favor of Red. West had played the front very consistently; was always in the fairway and constantly getting up and down. Felton, meanwhile, was typically in or near the woods off his tee shot and had to scramble his ass off to save par and keep pace with West. He would find his rhythm on the back nine however, opening with an approach shot to five-feet and knocking in the birdie on ten to bring it within one and really start to apply some pressure. From this point on Felton wasn’t giving an inch, going shot-for-shot with West over the next three holes. With the group in front now watching from the perimeter of the fourteenth green following the premature ending of their rounds, Felton knocked in a twelve-foot putt for par to potentially win the hole and bring it back to even, as West was now staring down a tricky eight-footer with the pressure to halve the hole. The Danza, now tied 4-4 and with Storm hanging on by a thread at this point, this putt had some major implications. But with no doubt in his mind, West buried the putt to maintain a 1-Up lead.

Felton was once again flirting with the woods on fifteen and would drop another hole to go 2-Down. He continued that trend on sixteen as well but had a decent recovery to get to the green and was left with twenty-feet for par. West, too, didn’t put himself in good position and his par shot would come from off the green, in the rough. Being twenty-five-feet from the hole and just close enough to the fringe, he elected to putt. Against the odds, he managed to sink it and the Red Team erupted. Particularly Johnny, who shouted, “We’ve got a playoff!” due to a lack of awareness of the situation, forgetting that Felton still had a putt to possibly halve the hole. After the Red Team finished scowling at and shaming Johnny, Felton lined up his putt. He stopped the Red Team’s heart for a split second with an excellent putt, but it didn’t fall, and West would close out the round with a 3&2 victory, sending the boys to a Sudden Death Playoff.

This round continued their trend of thrilling matches. And even though damn near all their rounds are barn burners that finish somewhere between the sixteenth and eighteenth holes, they both have managed to blow each other out “on paper” in consecutive tournaments—Felton with his perfect 4-0 showing in ’21 and West returning the favor in a convincing 3-1 route in ’22. The records truly don’t reflect how captivating their matchups really were, but I guess that’s why the Danza isn’t played on paper.

Johnny vs. Jeremy – 5&4 Blue

Trey vs. James – 5&4 Blue

Storm vs. Blatt – 4&2 Blue

West vs. Felton – 3&2 Red

Red Team: 5

Blue Team: 5

“I never missed a putt in my mind.” – Jack Nicklaus

Sudden Death Playoff

Hello playoff my old friend…

Of all the excitement that comes with the Danza, there is nothing quite as electrifying as the Sudden Death Playoff. And it isn’t even close. It’s funny though, all eight guys were rooting for the playoff to occur, and not occur, depending on which time of the day you asked them. Prior to the Individual round, with a commanding 4-2 lead, the Red Team was hoping to snag two more wins and get the hell off the course with the Danza Cup, while the Blue Team would’ve been thrilled to go 3-1 and force a playoff. Fast-forward a few hours: the Blue Team has now added two more notches to the win column, Blatt has Storm on his last leg, and Felton just buried a crucial putt on fourteen to potentially even the round with West. The Blue Team was ready to steal that Cup and hop on a direct flight home. The Red Team was on their knees praying to the golf gods that if West could hold onto his lead for dear life and force the playoff they’ll never ask for anything again. Hoping for no playoff, desperately begging for the playoff, it didn’t matter now, because now, it was here.

The format would be the same as always (see here). We made our way to the seventeenth tee box. We were set to play a 158-yard, slightly downhill par-3 with water in front and to the right of the green. Sound familiar? We did our customary coin flip and it was determined the Red Team would go first.

Storm led us off, and he put his ball right in the water. Blatt followed, and he did the same. Starting with a bang. Moving on to the C players. Johnny, who had been saving his last custom-made Danza ball specifically for a potential playoff hole, whipped that beauty out and sent her packing into the deep blue abyss—also sound familiar? He did that same thing in the 2020 playoffs with his last Master’s collector’s ball. Maybe next playoffs he should use a scuffed up 1990s Noodle 7, it’ll give him a fighting chance.

Three up, three down. A turkey of waterlogged balls. The boys were rolling. Jeremy managed to clear the water but by no means put his ball in a good spot. This hole had proved to be quite the challenge. It was a little downhill of course, but the wind was in our faces, making club selection tricky. West was up, and just as he got his feet set, something amazing happened. A bald eagle swiftly and majestically soared in over his head right before he swung. He made perfect contact, launching his ball on a beautiful flight path, but it landed in the rough immediately short of the green. West, who had not even seen the eagle, was furious with himself regarding his club selection, stating he knew he should’ve clubbed up one. But the rest of us who saw what really happened take a more scientific approach, and chalk it up to one thing and one thing only: chaos theory. Just as a butterfly flaps its wings in the Amazon Rainforest, leading to an eventual hurricane off the coast of Florida, many say that the flapping of the eagle’s wings created just enough wind resistance to slow West’s ball flight, causing it to land two-feet shy of where it needed to. Three Red Team shots, zero balls on the green.

Felton was the first one to find pay dirt, placing his ball safely on the green, but still left with a hell of a long putt. Last up for the Red Team was Trey, and if they wanted to have a real shot at birdie it all came down to him putting one on. Trey, leaving no doubt, gave it a solid whack and finally, the Red Team found the dance floor. They were left with about seventy-feet and damn near needed binoculars to see the hole, but they were dancing nonetheless. His teammates didn’t give him much to work with, which didn’t really allow him the freedom to go pin-seeking, so he made do with what he had and came up with a safe, yet clutch, green-in-reg. James was the last man up and he too gave it a solid strike, putting it dead center of the green, approximately fifty-feet from the flag—the best shot of anyone. We hopped in the carts and were on our way to the big dance.

With Blue’s fifty-footer to Red’s seventy-footer, the Red Team was clearly out, and they would go first. Leading the way was Storm. He gave a fairly good run but it didn’t find the bottom of the cup. Johnny, West, and Trey would also attempt to go deep cup diving, but none of them were lucky enough to find buried treasure either. They were left with roughly two-and-a-half feet for par, and being the sportsmen that the Blue Team are, they told them to pick up, assuming all four guys wouldn’t miss from that distance.

Just like in 2020, the Red Team failed to make their birdie putts and had to watch on in helpless agony while the Blue Team had their turn. As you can imagine, the Red Team was hoping it would turn out exactly like it did two years prior, the Blue Team, not so much. Blatt was the lead off batter, and he gave his boys a crystal clear line as his ball just barely trailed off at the very end, resulting in a tap-in par and giving his guys the go ahead to be as aggressive as they needed to be. With the blueprint now in place, it was just a question of whether or not they could execute. Jeremy went next, and he followed Blatt’s lead as best he could, but his too trailed off. Felton gave his run at it, and it was the best one yet—stopping the Red Team’s synchronized heartbeats as his ball rolled right off the edge of the cup. You could hear the Red Team’s collective gasp from the sixteenth green.

One man left. James was batting cleanup. He had been in a similar position before—no, not similar; identical. The last time around the flagstick was standing tall and firm in the cup, and we all know how that turned out. There would be no flagstick in the cup this time; just a 4.25-inch diameter of air. He had the line; he knew the speed it needed. All that was left was to do the damn thing. He lined up his putter and gave it a crisp strike. Right from the start, his ball was perfectly on track, heading directly to its designated target, but from fifty-feet out, anything can happen. The speed has to be perfect. Too slow and it can trail off at the end, too fast and it can hit the hole and hop out. The greens were still recovering from a recent aeration; his ball could easily hit a bump and send it off-line. The variables were certainly out there, but as his ball continued to approach the hole, the result appeared to be more and more imminent.

The Red Team’s jaws dropped. The Blue Team threw their arms in the air. For a split-second after the fact there was nothing but silence. No screams and shouts from the Blue Team to be heard. No curse words or cries from the Red Team. Just a wave of shock washing over all eight of our faces as James’ ball rested peacefully at the bottom of the cup. We had never seen anything like it in our short golf “careers.” It was magical. Beautiful and tragic at the same time, depending on your allegiances. But regardless of whether you wore Red or Blue, whether you were ecstatic or downtrodden, it was the most unbelievable moment we all shared on a golf course together. What an ending. You can’t write it better than that, and I don’t know how we’ll top it in the future. It was exactly what you want to see out of a Danza finish, and none of us will forget that moment for as long as we live.

The parallels between the playoff circumstances in ‘20 and ‘22 were uncanny. In both these years, the Red Team had been leading 4-2 heading into the final round, before the Blue Team would go 3-1 with Red’s only win coming at the hands of West. The designated playoff holes were very similar in structure—both downhill, playing roughly 150-160-yards with water in front and to the right of the green. Both times for the Blue Team, Felton would be the first one of his teammates to put the ball on the green and James would do him one better and get a little closer. Each time it all came down to James. The first year was flagstick-gate, because who knows, he very well may have made that one too. This time he would leave no uncertainty. Draining that putt like it was always his destiny. So to answer my question earlier—would the result be different? You’re goddamn right it would.

It’s also a little poetic in that James was the one to lose in the Individual Sudden Death Playoffs the first time around, and it happened on the seventeenth hole. This year, he went out and won it on the seventeenth. And in playing his tee shot, he did it with a solo-birdie.  It was a fitting end for a story of redemption.

This was truly the year of the putting. Never had putting been so impactful. Putts made, putts missed. Obviously putting is one of the most important aspects of golf, so it isn’t too crazy to say all this, but even still, never in the Danza have so many important putts fallen, or not fallen. From Felton’s 150-foot putt in the opening round to Trey sinking the decisive one on the eighteenth to finish it, to Johnny and Trey’s golden putters in the Scramble round, West and Storm’s soul-crushing miss from one-and-a-half-feet on eighteen, to both West and Felton’s clutch putting in their Individual matchup, and ultimately culminating in James’ fifty-foot putt to end the Danza. It was truly something else to witness the bizarre putting highs and lows for both teams. There’s a reason they say drive for show, putt for dough.

And so, the 2022 Danza Cup had come to a close. The final score was 5-5 with Blue winning 1-Up in the Sudden Death Playoff. They had successfully defended their title, earning their right to house the Danza Cup for another year. The Red Team will have to extend their wait. Blue Team, go drink some beers out of that beautiful Cup.

“A trophy carries dust. Memories last forever.” – Mary Lou Retton

MVP

James McFadden

Through three rounds it would’ve seemed unlikely that James could be named the MVP. Having started 0-3, things weren’t going in James’ favor. The thing is, he was playing perfectly fine. It was just one of those things in sports where records don’t tell the full story. After all, the first three rounds are in fact team events. So it’s not realistic that any one player can just go out there and win any event by himself, other than the Individual round. And when that round finally presented itself, that’s exactly what James did. He went out there and he won it. He brought his very best form and played arguably the most impressive round by anyone in the tournament. It was a truly masterful performance. And then, he followed suit with a playoff showing for the history books. A putt of a lifetime. Having used his tee shot as well, he solo-birdied the hole. In a way, he did more by himself than the entire Red Team could do together. So while the record books may reflect a 1-3 showing, it was undeniable who the MVP was.

The MVP Boys

“Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening—and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented.” – Arnold Palmer

Final Results

Blue Team – 5 (1-Up Playoffs)

Red Team – 5

Best Ball: 1-1

Scramble: 1-1

Alt-Shot: 2-0 Red

Individual: 3-1 Blue

Playoff: 1-0 Blue

Individual Records

Blue Team

Jared Blatt: 3-1

Jeremy Hardy: 2-2

James McFadden: 1-3

Michael Felton: 1-3

Red Team

Trey Zambito: 3-1

Jordan West: 3-1

Johnny Belancic: 2-2

Eric Storm: 1-3

Leading Point Scorers

1.  Jared Blatt – 3

1.  Trey Zambito – 3

1.  Jordan West – 3

4.  Jeremy Hardy – 2

4.  Johnny Belancic – 2

6.  James McFdadden – 1

6.  Michael Felton – 1

6.  Eric Storm – 1  

MVP: James McFadden