2021

“Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course—the distance between your ears.” – Bobby Jones




It didn’t seem long since the dust settled from the previous, epic Danza that finished after three theatrical rounds of playoff holes. Partly because it hadn’t been a full calendar year in between tournaments—coordinating eight peoples’ schedules is difficult—and partly because we hadn’t even taken a breath from talking about last year’s tournament and this year’s. Needless to say, the eight of us were beyond excited. For the first time in over a year, we were finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel of a global pandemic. We had received our Covid vaccines, and after what felt like an eternity, the eight of us were back to hanging out together in close quarters. After arriving at the house we would be staying at for the weekend, in Deep Creek, Maryland, the festivities were officially underway, and it was time for the Pre-Ceremony Dinner.

The Pre-Tournament Ceremonial Dinner took place at Dutch’s At Silver Tree, a high-class, uppity restaurant. I don’t think a soul in that building was ready for our arrival. When the eight of us walked in there with our lavish red and blue blazers, every eyeball in attendance was fixated on our crew. We enjoyed our steak, lobster, crab soup, cocktails and what have you while we talked and laughed throughout the evening. It was only a matter of time until a few of the patrons approached us and asked, “What’s with the blazers?” That’s when West gave a brief synopsis of who Tony Danza the actor is and why we host an annual golf tournament in his name. They all just shook their heads and laughed, still trying to understand why the red and blue blazers. The cordial evening between rivals eventually ended, and the long wait was finally over. Just one night of sleep separated us from taking our posts on the battlefield.



“Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.” – Winston Churchill

Day I

Round I: Best Ball – Oakland Golf Course, Oakland, MD

Johnny/Storm vs. Jeremy/Blatt – Halved

West/Trey vs. James/Felton – 2-Up Blue

The morning had arrived, and the opening rounds of the tournament, unlike the previous Danza, which had been played on a toasty summer weekend, were to be played on a very brisk, rainy day. It goes without saying; we kicked off the tournament to the “Who’s the Boss?” theme song, as is tradition. The defending champs had honors, and it was Eric Storm who hit the opening shot of the tournament.

In the initial pairing, it was the Red Team to draw first blood on the 2nd hole. From there, the front nine was a bit of a rollercoaster, but the back nine belonged in most part to the Blue Team. Right up until the 17th hole, where the Red Team was able to steal one with a nice up and down for par on the fairly difficult ~180 yard par 3. On the 18th hole, Jeremy had the best chance at making birdie with an 8-10 foot putt, but just barely missed, tapping in for par. Of the Red Team it was Johnny who had a foot and a half left for par to halve the match. In your standard golf round it was a gimme putt that you simply pick up, but just as there is no crying in baseball, there are no gimmes in the Danza, especially on the 18th hole. As Johnny lined up his putt, he was met with gale force winds, forcing him to step off his ball. After a few moments he tried again, but was met with another hurricane-level gust, forcing yet another step-off. Third time’s the charm, and Johnny was finally able to tap in his ball to halve the match, sparing no drama. But arguably the most important part of the round was Jeremy completing his obligatory Danza initiation task of bringing red and blue gushers for all to have, and reciting thirty-two state capitals by memory on the 4thtee box.

“We went over there to win, not be good ol’ boys.” – Sam Snead, on being angry at Jack Nicklaus for conceding a putt to Tony Jacklin that resulted in a tie at the ’69 Ryder Cup

In the second pairing, the Blue Team wasted no time for bloodshed, immediately jumping out to a 1-up lead. It was a hard-fought round from start to finish, always a close match, but seemingly never in doubt for the Blue Team, as they didn’t once let the Red Team take the lead. Early in the round, Felton had a two-foot putt to halve the hole, but in Danza-like fashion—and unlike Jack Nicklaus—the Red Team refused to give it to him, forcing him to putt it out. Felton went on to miss the putt, bringing the score back to even. It set the tone for the remainder of the match, as now neither team was going to give anyone a putt. Angry with himself, Felton went into war mode, and would go on to play lights out for the rest of the round, and ultimately, the remainder of the tournament. As for the Red Team, they never could seem to really get it rolling. Per Trey, he unfortunately caught a case of the s-words and found himself in a funk. West made some big shots and putts throughout the round to keep it a game, and Trey made a clutch putt on hole 13 to keep it all-square and build some momentum, but from there they just couldn’t quite break through. Felton and James were just playing too solid to give the Red Team any leeway, and would end up holding them off. Maintaining a 1-up lead from holes 14-17, the Blue Team would go on to also win the 18th, and close out the round with a 2-up victory.

Blue Team: 1.5

Red Team: 0.5

“There’s no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing.” – Sir Ranulph Fiennes

Round II: Scramble – Fantasy Valley Golf Course, McHenry, MD

West/Storm vs. Felton/Blatt – 3&2 Blue

Trey/Johnny vs. James/Jeremy – Unfinished

I don’t know who that Sir Ranulph Fiennes guy is, but I think he’s full of shit. But maybe he’s not; after all, the first group finished their round, whereas the second group put their round on pause. This round will forever be tainted with the delayed finish of the second pairing. And going forward, maybe the second pairing just needs to take the advice of Sir Ranulph and pack their clothes a little bit better. Or maybe they should just sack up like real men.

A random but funny observation made by James, is that the scramble pairings are all the people who are called by their last names, paired together, and all the people who go by their first names, paired together. That has nothing to do with anything, but figured it should be mentioned. Anyhoo, we’ll start with the opening pairing of West/Storm vs. Felton/Blatt.

Following Round 1, the weather had actually cleared up during the lunch break and was appearing as if it was going to be a nice sunny day. But midway through the front nine, the rain started. At first it was just a light rain, which was very manageable to play through. Gradually however, it began to pick up more and more. By about hole 7-8, it was full-blown torrential downpour. Prior to the rain starting, the Red Team had built an early lead. Things were looking promising for West and Storm, having a 2-hole cushion, but then… then the monsoon began. It cannot be expressed enough how unplayable the conditions became. On top of the pouring rain, the temperature was also near freezing (or at least felt like it), the wind was ferocious, the fairways and rough were sloshed, and the greens were laughable. I’m not sure you can even still refer to them as greens when there’s six inches of puddles you have to “putt” through. It was truly circus golf. Despite these ridiculous circumstances that would make most sane men end their round (group 2), or at the very least result in a horribly-played round, Felton found a gear he never knew he had, and ended up playing the best round of golf in his life. I don’t know if baptism is the right word, but when that rain came pouring down, a whole new monster was unleashed in Michael Felton. It was the real life version of Bishop Pickering in Caddyshack going for the course record in a thunderstorm. West and Storm put up the best fight they could, but needless to say from that point forward it was merely a foregone conclusion. Persevering through the elements, Felton would continue to put on a clinic for the remainder of the back nine, and the Blue Team would finish with a convincing 3&2 victory. Blatt was also there.

“You better be careful how you talk to yourself out here, because you are probably going to listen.” – Peter Kostis

As for the other group… Trey and Johnny were looking to improve their scramble record to 2-0, while James and Jeremy, being new partners, were looking to build some team chemistry and win their first match playing together. Trey remained in a bit of a funk during the lunch break following his and West’s first round loss, still reeling from his case of the s-words. Through some words of encouragement by Johnny, Trey was able to shake off the loss and get his mind in the right place before teeing off in round 2. And it became quite clear from the start that Trey was able to get in a good headspace and bring his A-game, as he and Johnny put together some excellent team golf to go 4-up through the first 6. It was at this point where the roles reversed, and it was now Jeremy’s turn to talk James off the ledge, as James had already whipped out the phrases “we suck” … “well, this one’s over” … “they’re just better than us.” My how quickly emotions can run rampant in the Danza if you’re just not careful.

It was also during this time where the aforementioned rain got out of control. Unlike Felton, who was able to mystically acquire godlike golfing abilities, the First Name Crew performed just as anyone playing in a hurricane would—very poorly. Hands were numb, clubs were slipping through fingertips, shoes and socks were soaked, feet were developing blisters… plain and simple, everyone was flat-out miserable. The Blue Team would take hole 7, dropping Red’s lead to 3-up. On hole 8, the group found shelter in a nearby wooden shed. They sat there and waited maybe 20-30 minutes, hoping the rain would soon die down. It never did. Oddly enough, approaching on hole 7 was a pairing of two old men. Now it made sense why the Danza crew was still trying to fight through this, as this is the most important golf event of the year, but what the hell were these two old guys trying to prove? Either they also had a Felton-like round going, or they are just some sick bastards who live and die for this sport. Either way, they gave up after hole 7. Realizing that the rain may never quit, the group decided they were far too miserable to play all eighteen, and came to the agreement to at least finish the front nine and try to squeeze in the back nine later in the weekend at some point. Hole 8 was halved with sloppy play on both sides. On hole 9, the downhill par 3, Trey’s club slipped completely out of his hand on his tee shot. By the time both groups reached the green, it was like trying to putt in a bathtub full of water. The Blue Team would win the hole, narrowing their deficit to 2-down, as the round would now officially be placed on pause.

During the hiatus, the second group drove back to the house, immediately got in their swim trunks, hopped in the hot tub, and cracked a beer. It was the ultimate moment of relief to finally feel heat again. As fate would have it, the skies soon began to clear and the sun made a guest appearance. The fellas in the hot tub had a serious discussion on whether they should now get back into their golf apparel and head back to the course to finish the back nine. But by this point, everyone had been a few beers deep and knew they could have a make believe debate all they wanted, but they were never heading back to that course. Around this time is when the Last Name Crew arrived back at the house. They tried for a brief moment to persuade the second group to go back and finish their round, but quickly realized they would be arguing with a brick wall. A brick wall that’s half-buzzed and at maximum comfort… good luck. A couple minutes after that, all eight guys were jam-packed in the tiny hot tub with no intentions of leaving any time soon, and it was glorious.

To be continued…

End of Day 1 scores with a scramble round pending:

Blue Team: 2.5

Red Team: 0.5

“One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot—the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something.” – Peter Jacobsen

Day II

Round III: Alternate Shot – Lodestone Golf Course, McHenry, MD

West/Johnny vs. Felton/Jeremy – 6&4 Blue

Trey/Storm vs. James/Blatt – 4&3 Blue

[Did not keep scorecards for either round, unable to reproduce chart]

Heading into day two, the Blue Team was brimming with confidence, leading by two points and only needing three more over the course of six remaining matches—plus the pending scramble round—to lock up the victory. The Red Team, with a two-point deficit and looking to even the score, was hoping to duplicate the results of the alt-shot round from the year prior, where they swept the event. The alt-shot round is certainly the most pressure-packed out of the three 2v2 matches, as both partners are of equal importance and there’s no relying on the better player to do the heavy lifting. The boys were eager to get out there, as the round was to be played on a group-favorite course—Lodestone at Wisp Resort. It was actually their opening day of the season, and we had the first tee times of the day. What better way to kick off the new season than opening up with the Danza crew. Unfortunately, they had just aerated the greens, so that threw another wrench into the equation, but that’s part of fighting through any and every obstacle to be a Danza Champion, so it was just par for the course (pun intended). It was a brisk morning, the rain had finally subsided for the weekend and it was slated to be a chilly but nice day. Teeing off first would be Felton/Jeremy and West/Johnny, followed by James/Blatt and Trey/Storm.

In the opening group, we had first-time partners in Felton and Jeremy, taking on veteran partners West and Johnny. I say veteran partners because West and Johnny have a hell of a lot of experience playing together and have built up quite the chemistry; however, despite playing together roughly a thousand times in various golf matches over the years, they might have a winning percentage of ~.200, teetering the Mendoza line. And just as the late, great football coach John McKay once said – “if you have everyone back from a team that lost ten games, the experience isn’t too important” – that same sentiment applies here. Felton, hoping to stay undefeated, was looking to carry his first day dominance into day two. Some still say they saw him do a rain dance that morning, trying to bring back that sweet, sweet nectar of the golf gods that turned him into Tiger Woods the day prior. Meanwhile, Jeremy, coming off a tie and an unfinished round, was just trying to get his first ever win in the Danza Cup. A lot was on the line, as the Red Team was just trying to keep their heads afloat at this point—still winless—and the Blue Team was gearing up to run away with it.

Right from the jump, the Blue Team came out firing, or should I say the Red Team came out floundering—starting with a bogey to Blue’s par on hole 1. Digging themselves a hole from the start, the Red Team never did recover. Jeremy had played his best round of the tournament so far, and Felton kept his momentum rolling, together putting up a very solid performance from start to finish. The same cannot be said for the Red Team. Johnny couldn’t get off the tee all day, but he made up for it by sucking with his irons. Both West and Johnny struggled with short pitch shots, chunking the ball ten yards forward into the sand traps on numerous occasions. And then once in the sand, they struggled to get out of the sand. West also had the unluckiest round possible, having lipped out on at least five to six putts, and on one instance, with West needing to chip in to halve the hole, his ball actually landed down inside the cup and bounced out. You couldn’t make it up. Meanwhile, Felton and Jeremy hardly made a mistake. Felton didn’t have the transcendent round he had the day before, but he didn’t need to. He and Jeremy simply didn’t give an inch, and just let West and Johnny wallow in their own filth until the round was over. The Blue Team would go on to win in dominating fashion with a 6&4 victory—the largest win margin of the tournament.

“Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do.” – Bruce Crampton

Next up was the A&D matchup. Everyone’s favorite spectator event at the Danza—two exceptional golfers go toe to toe in a battle of not just skill, but patience, as they must each carry a deadweight, anchor of a partner kicking and screaming across the course. It is a wildly entertaining experience of who is simply going to out-survive their opponent, or in other words, which D player can be the least incompetent. In the previous Danza, Trey and Storm won the alt-shot handily, but this wasn’t 2020 anymore. In ’21, everything was coming up Blue Team, and this round would be no different. Just like the grouping ahead, Blue once again took control out of the gates and would keep their foot on the gas, going 4-up through the first eight. Funny enough, on one of the par 4’s during this stretch, both teams uncharacteristically birdied, halving the hole with a score of 3. It’s not often in this matchup that a birdie occurs at all, much less to get one and not even win the hole. In this particular case, Trey and James mashed their drives, Storm and Blatt had excellent iron shots, and Trey and James made a ten-foot and five-foot putt, respectively, for birdie. Without question it was the highlight of the round.

At the turn, with the Blue Team in the driver seat, the Red Team finally started to make a surge, taking two of the next three holes to get within two. After halving 12 and heading into hole 13, the Red Team was confident they could get it to within one, as anything can happen on a par 5 in this grouping. But things did not go as planned. The Blue Team parred, while the Red Team’s short game suffered, eventually tapping in for bogey to lose the hole and drop to 3-down. Riding a wave of confidence, being 3-up with five to play, James pulled out the big stick and drove the 14thgreen. It was the nail in the coffin. The Blue Team would take the hole, now 4-up with four to play and mathematically incapable of losing, all they would need to do is halve one more hole to close it out. And they would do just that on the par 3, 15th, ending the match with a 4&3 victory.

Blue Team: 4.5

Red Team: 0.5

“The more I work and practice, the luckier I seem to get.” – Gary Player


Bonus Round: 4-Man Team Scramble – Hole 17, Lodestone Golf Course, McHenry, MD

Fortunately for the Blue Team, they swept the alt-shot, adding two more points, which further extended their commanding lead. Unfortunately for everyone involved however, they did it in such dominating fashion that the rounds ended prematurely and neither matchup had the chance to play the glorious 17th hole. And we all just felt kind of cheated by that. Seeing as we had to drive past 17 anyway on our way to the clubhouse for lunch, it only seemed appropriate that we all got the opportunity to play it. And just as if we rewound time to the 2020 playoffs, we decided to do a one-off, four-man scramble for $50 a person. The 17th hole is an intimidating par 3, roughly 165-170 yards in distance, and overlooking a deep canyon as you tee off from the edge of a cliff, with the green situated at the edge of an adjacent cliff. Intimidating, yet beautiful.

Following the same format as the four-man playoff scramble, each team would hit in alternating order from the D players up to the A players. Thus, it was Storm and Blatt to lead us off. Storm’s shot was pretty forgettable, I believe it went right and barely cleared the cliff. As for Blatt on the other hand, it appears he had taken the advice of Mr. Player, although I’m not sure how one would practice the shot he hit. Blatt’s tee shot hooked hard left out of bounds, going deep into the woods. There was a pause, Blatt had even picked his tee up and began to walk back in disgust, and then the knock was heard. Next thing you know, Blatt’s ball came shooting back out of the woods and onto the green, landing about twelve feet from the pin. It was miraculous, no other way to put it. I’m not sure how a tree could even provide that much spring, it just didn’t make sense. After that, the Red Team officially started questioning whether it was exclusively Blatt or the entire Blue Team who sold their souls to the golf gods. Nevertheless, it was now the C players turn to hit. Johnny hit one of his better shots of the day, which wasn’t saying a whole lot, as his ball still only made it to the fringe, leaving the Red Team with approximately fifteen feet for birdie. After that it gets blurry from Jeremy-to-West-to-Felton-to-Trey, all of which hit mediocre to decent shots. I’m not quite sure any of them put it on the green, and if they did, none of them got inside Johnny or Blatt. It was looking like the Blue Team was really going to win off birdying Blatt’s cartoon shot. But lastly, it was James’ turn. And unfortunately for the Red Team’s collective wallet, but thankfully for their sanity and overall mental health, James hit an absolute dart, placing his ball inside of ten feet, making Blatt’s shot irrelevant. The Red Team would go on to miss their birdie putts from Johnny’s ball and have to settle for par. And just to pull the stinger out right away and prevent the Red Team from suffering, Blatt buried the birdie putt on their team’s first attempt for the win. It somehow felt right. Like I said, everything was coming up Blue Team.

“When you play by the rules, defy mental demons, overcome every challenge, and enjoy a walk in the country at the same time—that’s being alive.” – Arnold Palmer

Round IV: Individual – Lodestone Golf Course, McHenry, MD

West vs. Felton: 2&1 Blue

Trey vs. James: AS

Storm vs. Blatt: AS

Johnny vs. Jeremy: 3&1 Blue

The final round. For the Cup. The Blue Team had built themselves quite a comfortable lead. It would take a collapse of epic proportions for them to lose this one. Leading by four points, all they had to do was win one match to bring home the coveted Danza Cup. The Red Team on the other hand was gasping for air. Of course, they weren’t willing to throw in the towel, because you never do that in the Danza, but they definitely knew it was a mountain to climb, needing to win all four matches plus the unfinished scramble round to be crowned champs. The Blue Team had no time for making up unfinished rounds; they planned to bury the opposition and depart Deep Creek, Cup in hand.

To spice things up a bit, the group decided that the pairings would be randomized. Johnny whipped out his famous randomizer—always a crowd pleaser—and the tee off order was selected. Going out in the first grouping would be West/Felton and Trey/James, leaving the C and D boys to close it down. The final round is as grueling as they come, after having just played roughly fifty-four holes in a two-day stretch, and still having eighteen to go against an equal opponent. It’s more a test of will and mental toughness than it is physical ability. The ultimate pressure round, as there is no teammate to rely on. It’s what separates the men from the boys.

This one felt like the premier match up of the individual round. In this tale of the tape, you had Jordan West, the 2020 MVP, and one of the more clutch performers of all the Danza members, in the Red corner. In the Blue corner, you had Michael Felton, playing the best golf of his life and chasing an MVP award himself. Felton was determined to be the first 4-0 player in Danza history, and, even more desperately, West was determined to not be the first 0-4 player. The previous year, with PJ Ratcliffe as a member of the Blue Team and holding the team’s B spot, Felton was relegated to the C spot. Felton ending up having a decent tournament, finishing with a .500 record of 2-2. West on the other hand, was the star of the 2020 Cup, capping off the tournament with the only winning record of all eight players, going 3-1, and as mentioned above, was named MVP in the process. That same year, the two of them faced off twice. Once in the alt-shot round, with West coming out on top, and then once again in the individual sudden death Playoff, which resulted in them halving the hole. In 2021, with the replacement of PJ with Jeremy, Felton was bumped up to the B role, and clearly he had something to prove—showing that he was deserving of the B spot all along, as he now stood 3-0 against West, and was one round away from perfection.

Hole 1 picked up right where the alt-shot round left off, with West once again chipping in, only to have his ball bounce back out of the cup. It prevented him from winning the hole, and the group behind confusingly heard the scream of a tortured soul. The front nine was a back and forth boxing match of two heavy hitters, resulting in four lead changes. Felton had a 2-up advantage at the turn, and from there he kept his foot firmly planted on West’s throat. Leading by as many as 3-up, and after going on a seven-hole stretch without losing a single hole, Felton finally dropped the 14th, giving West an ounce of life with four to play. But an ounce is all it would ever be, as Felton clutched up and went shot for shot with West, halving each hole until they ran out of course to play. The round ended following the 17th hole with a 2&1 victory for Felton, sealing his membership into the exclusive 4-0 Club, and officially locking up The Danza Cup overall win for the Blue Team.

The match up of the A-players. The top dogs. There would be no carrying of deadweight, anchors this round. Just the two best players going head to head, mano a mano. Looking back at their 2020 overall tournament matchup, the two would go back and forth, each finishing with a 2-2 record. James had won their individual round in dominating fashion, but Trey was ultimately able to get his revenge by defeating James in the individual sudden death playoff to bring home the Cup for the Red Team. In 2021 to this point, James had the upper hand with wins in the best ball and alt-shot rounds, and, despite Trey having a 2-up advantage in the scramble, the round currently remained unfinished, leaving Trey winless. James was hoping to close down 2021 by recreating the individual round of the year prior, whereas Trey was just looking to get on the board.

Trey got off to a hot start, making a long birdie putt on the first hole to take an early lead. After halving the second hole, James fired off wins in three consecutive holes, earning himself a 2-up advantage. Heading into the back nine, James possessed a 3-up lead and was in complete control. With five to play and still 3-down, Trey finally came alive, winning 14 and 15 to get within one. They would halve the next two holes, leaving just the 18th with a 1-up lead for James. It was now mathematically impossible for James to lose, and with both guys having witnessed Felton win his match on 17, the Danza Cup was already Blue Team property; nevertheless, Trey was motivated to not have another loss on his record. And despite James having maintained the lead from holes 4-17, the match would result in an all-square finish as Trey won the 18th hole.

Along with the A&D alt-shot matchup, this particular individual pairing is up there with most entertaining round of the tournament. On any given stroke, both of these guys are equally capable of an amazing shot that makes your jaw drop as they are hitting the ball seven yards sideways. That includes putts. Believe me, when I say any shot, I sincerely mean any shot—they do not discriminate. In any other pairing, if a player hits more than one ball out of bounds on a given hole, he can just concede, as it is a foregone conclusion. In this pairing however, neither man should ever concede a hole at any point, as anything is truly possible. To give an example, in this matchup in 2020, on one specific hole, Blatt barely dribbled his ball off the tee box. Johnny, who had been at the cart grabbing something from his bag, walked up to the tee box as Blatt hit that shot, and then made the classic, overused joke: “tough par from there.” Blatt responded with “oh, what you didn’t see, Johnny, is that was my second shot.” Blatt then had a worm-burner of a third shot up the fairway, and his fourth shot went out of bounds. After Storm had a good tee shot and a decent second shot, in the cart, Johnny mentioned to Storm that Blatt should just concede the hole at this point to keep up with the rate of play. Blatt didn’t concede, and he ended up winning the hole with a score of 10 to Storm’s 11. As I said, anything is truly possible.

Blatt went on to beat Storm in the individual matchup last year, and this year had been getting the best of him through three rounds, with a tie in the best ball, and wins in each the scramble and alt-shot. Blatt would jump out to an early lead, taking the first and second holes, and three of the first four for a quick 3-up advantage. It appeared as if things were going to turn out just as they had a year prior, with Blatt trouncing Storm from the beginning and never relinquishing his chokehold. But unlike the year prior, Storm never lost his head, and kept trudging forward, confident he could make a comeback. Storm kept putting the pressure on, but Blatt seamlessly always found a way to keep him at an arm’s length of tying the match. On one of the par 3’s on the front, Blatt hit his tee shot out of bounds, while Storm put his ball on the green. In any normal circumstance, it appeared as if the hole was already decided. After taking his drop, Blatt placed his third shot on the fringe, at the very front of the green, leaving himself with a forty-foot putt for bogey. Realistically, at best, Blatt was looking at a long two-putt for double bogey if he’s lucky, which would all but guarantee Storm to take the hole, seeing as he had about twenty-feet left for birdie. Blatt buried the forty-foot putt. Storm then three-putted for bogey. They halved the hole. Storm’s putting was his Achilles heel in this match. There were several holes where Storm and Blatt were both on the green, putting from roughly the same distance, with Storm being a stroke ahead, and Blatt would still end up winning the hole. Storm just couldn’t get it together.

Things would continue as such for the majority of the round, with one exception being when Storm birdied the par 4, 10th hole, to Blatt’s par. It’s pretty rare in this matchup when one player pars a hole and loses it, but then again, nothing makes sense in this pairing. Following Storm’s birdie at the 10th, which brought the score to within one, Blatt immediately answered, and continued to distance himself, winning 13 as well to go 3-up with five to play. Without an ounce of quit in him, Storm kept pushing on, winning 14 and 16 to bring it back to within one. Mirroring Trey and James’ round, they would halve 17, with Storm winning 18 to finish the match all-square, regardless of the fact Blatt lead for seventeen out of eighteen holes. Blatt finished the tournament technically undefeated, with two wins and two ties, finishing as the group’s second highest leading scorer behind Felton, racking up three points for the Blue Team. Playing directly opposite of Blatt, Storm would finish winless, contributing one insignificant point to the Red Team as a result of two ties.

The final pairing would be the C boys, as determined by the almighty randomizer. This matchup was blossoming into quite the rivalry between these two relentless competitors. Through the first three events of Jeremy’s inaugural Danza, he and Johnny were virtually dead-evenly matched. The two opponents halved the best ball, Jeremy got the upper hand in the alt-shot, and Johnny had the lead in the to be finished at a later date scramble round, situating the boys in a head-to-head standoff going into the final round. Jeremy had no prior history of a Danza individual match, as he was the new kid on the block. Johnny on the other hand, had already been the victim of a floor mopping by Felton the year prior, and seeing as how things were turning out in 2021, he was relieved that Felton graduated to bigger and better things.

Having used the lunch break to shake off the piss-poor round of golf he had just played in the alt-shot, Johnny was able to get in a good place, mentally, and was ready for the final round. And after being incapable of getting off the tee earlier that day, he opened up with a perfect drive right down the middle, evidently prepared to turn this ship around. Jeremy, conversely, kicked things off with an errant tee shot, and despite a valiant effort to recover, Johnny ultimately took the first hole. Jeremy would even things up after winning the second. On the par 5, 3rd hole, Johnny was able to land the green in regulation, whereas Jeremy reached the green in four, and had approximately sixty-feet left for par. Before lining up his putt, Jeremy said, “well Johnny, unless I put this anywhere close, you can just pick up.” He proceeded to put the putt right on line, drilling the back center of the cup, but unfortunately put a bit too much speed on it, causing the ball to bounce out—and Johnny’s butthole to clench. Johnny two-putted to take the hole. Jeremy would even the score again on hole 5, and after halving a couple holes, he would take his first lead on the 8th hole—a lead that he would never relinquish.

It was at the turn that the boys decided they would no longer check their phones, not wanting to know what was going on in the group ahead. Knowing it only took one Blue Team victory and the Danza Cup would be settled, the second group wanted to think it was going to come down to their rounds, to keep things all the more intense. And intense it became. Through the middle of the round, Johnny gave a couple more holes away by three-putting from about fifteen-feet on back-to-back holes, giving Jeremy a 3-up lead. Johnny was able to bring it back to within two after winning the par 5, 13th, but was never able to gain any further ground, as he and Jeremy would go shot for shot, each parring 14-16, which mathematically eliminated Johnny from winning. On the epic 17th hole, Johnny lost his footing on his tee shot, fell to the ground, and threw his ball into the canyon—pathetic. Jeremy cleared the canyon, and after some more blowing up from Johnny, Jeremy would eventually tap his ball in for the 3&1 victory. It was one hell of a battle, and for a stretch on the back nine, both guys played a level of golf that neither thought they were capable of. When all was said and done, in his rookie season, Jeremy got the better of the C matchup, making a statement that he belonged, and proving he had what it takes to be a Danza Cup champion.

End of Day 2 scores with a scramble round pending:

Blue Team: 7.5

Red Team: 1.5

“Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the game’s two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself” – Jack Nicklaus

The Danza Cup was technically, but not officially, finished. After four exhausting rounds of golf in two short days, and with the Blue Team already victorious, there was exactly a 0.0% chance the rain-delayed scramble round was going to be finished this weekend. It would just have to remain on pause as the boys instead went out to a barbecue restaurant for their closing dinner, before going back to the house to relax and drink beers. There aren’t many better feelings than a post-Danza hot shower and cold beer. All eight guys deserved to have that feeling, even the team that got unequivocally humiliated—it could be argued that they needed it more. After getting back to the house—and after each Blue Team member had a moment with the Cup—it was time for the MVP award presentation. As always, the opposing team gets to vote. It didn’t take long for the jury to reach their verdict, as this would be a unanimous decision…

2021 MVP: Michael Felton

This was as obvious as it gets. It only took two years for the first ever 4-0 player to emerge; some thought it would never happen. It seemed like justice that it would be Felton. Prior to the start of the tournament, everyone was making bets on who would beat whom, and who had the best chance of “4-0’ing” someone. During this discussion, a few of the guys mentioned that West, the 2020 MVP, had the best chance to 4-0 Felton, as he was playing against a former C player who was taking on a new, more challenging role. This seemed to be the general consensus—that if anyone was getting “0-4’d,” it was going to be Felton. Of course, West never made a single one of these comments, and in fact, he was strongly urging everyone to pump the brakes, knowing full-well Felton is an excellent golfer and wasn’t going to just roll over and die because he was now matched with the reigning MVP. Ironic how things work out.

From the first round to the last, Felton was sensational. And of course, his scramble round in the torrential downpour will go down in Danza history as one of the most, if not the most remarkable round ever played. Without question, he played the best golf of the tournament. Whether he felt disrespected by the 0-4 talk, or whether it was a result of his routine golf sabbatical leading up to the tournament to clear his headspace, his game reached heights he never previously imagined. And consequently, he will forever have a seat at the 4-0 table.

…

The newest addition to the Danza Cup this year was the custom MVP trophy. It consists of a glass case bearing the phrase “The Danza Cup MVP,” which houses a golf ball signed by Tony Danza himself. Why that ball exists in the first place I’m not sure, but it was the easiest $80 ever spent. Johnny and Blatt were the only ones who knew about the MVP trophy, so when they brought it out, they had a paper bag placed over top of it to make the unveiling all the more suspenseful. After the announcement of Felton being named MVP, and a quick drumroll, the trophy was unveiled. The exact second that Felton picked it up, the glass top came apart from the base and fell to the floor, cracking one of its sides. Guy puts together the most graceful rounds of golf of anyone by a mile, but can’t even pick the trophy up without instantly breaking it. Unreal. I would expect nothing less from this crew, and that glass will never be fixed, it’s all part of the history now. The Liberty Bell. Venus de Milo. The Danza Cup MVP trophy.

[Danza Cup MVP award, known as “The Felton Crack”]





“The greatest thing about tomorrow is I will be better than I am today.” – Tiger Woods






Day III

Continuation Scramble Round – Front 9 of Crispin Golf Course, Wheeling, WV

Trey/Johnny vs. James/Jeremy – 3&2 Red*

*Round not completed during scheduled weekend of the Danza due to rain. “Back 9” completed on the front 9 of Crispin Golf Course, Wheeling, WV, several months later.


Ah, the winds of autumn. How quickly the seasons change. Hardly seemed like it was the end of April when the boys walked swam off that slosh pit of a golf course after nine holes. It took until mid-October before this infamous round could officially be un-paused. All things considered, minus the heavy rain, the weather felt relatively the same. And although everyone was well aware of the asterisk of this round, it still felt damn good to get a taste of Danza action in the fall. Continuing where they left off, it was the Blue Team—once again dressed in their blue USA polo’s—who had honors, after they had won the 9thhole six months prior.

It was Jeremy to lead off, and the moment his club made contact with the ball, the hairs on everyone’s arms stood a little taller, as the Danza was once again underway. Each group would start with a modest par, still visibly attempting to shake off that opening hole muscle tightness, regardless of the fact it was technically the back nine. On the difficult par 3, 2nd hole, the Red Team landed on the back fringe, leaving ~eight-feet for birdie. The Blue Team flubbed their tee shot, leaving themselves with roughly a thirty-yard, downhill chip shot. In no small feat, Jeremy managed to play it perfectly off the bank, getting his ball to trickle down to the green, stopping with about five-feet for par. The Red Team missed their birdie putts and tapped in for par, which felt like a blown opportunity, especially after where the Blue Team’s tee shots landed. But golf being the cruel game that it is, both Blue Team members would miss their five-foot putt to halve the hole, giving the Red Team a 3-up advantage. The Blue Team would quickly bounce back with a birdie on #3 to get back to 2-down. Each team would birdie the relatively easy par 5, 4th hole, and followed with a par on the shortest hole on the course, to keep it at 2-up Red, heading to the 6th. This is where the wheels fell off the bus for the Blue Team. After each team was a little over a hundred out following their tee shots, the Blue Team would land the green in regulation, while the Red Team would end up about ten yards short. Trey had a nice chip that left the Red Team with a 5-6 foot putt for par. The Blue Team had a twenty-foot birdie putt to win the hole. Both James and Jeremy barely hit the ball, leaving them with a ten-foot putt for par. Jeremy blew the next one by the hole. Overcompensating from what he saw Jeremy’s putt do, James left it short by about three-feet. Frustrated with himself, James quickly walked up to the putt, and after barely lining it up, he went to tap it in, but once again, he missed. Jeremy now had the pressure of lining up a three-foot putt that he just watched his partner miss. Jeremy too would burn the edge, resulting in a four-putt double bogey. The Blue Team conceded the hole; it was now 3-up Red with three to play. Neither team would make the green from their tee shots on the downhill par 3, 7th hole. Each team would have a short chip to the green. The Red Team, having a downhill shot with a tough angle to stop the ball, would end up going a bit long. The Blue Team, conversely, hit it too short, leaving themselves with a long putt for par. The Blue Team would once again leave their putts short, giving the Red Team the opportunity to two-putt to halve the hole and win the match. And that’s exactly what they would do. Having the decency to not force the Blue Team to putt it out after the fact, they allowed them to pick up, ending the round with a 3&2 victory for the Red Team—their one and only win of the entire tournament. In the process, they really had to confuse the group behind them waiting on the tee box, as everyone took off their hats and shook hands, a custom that is typically reserved for the 18th hole. We can only assume this will be the new tradition going forward on the 7th hole of this group’s scramble round every year.

And that concluded the 2021 Danza Cup Tournament. This will forever be the year of the asterisk, after not finishing all the events in the scheduled weekend. But that hardly matters, as this tournament was a one-sided affair from start to finish (well, not counting the delayed finish). The Blue Team suffocated the Red Team in nearly every event, only allowing them to pick up a single victory. A five-point blowout. It’s the Blue Team that has full trash-talking rights for the next calendar year. The only thing the Red Team can do about it… is get back to work. The all time series has been evened at 1 a piece. We’ll see who wants it more next July. Until then, Danza out.



“As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.” – Ben Hogan


Final Results

Blue Team: 7.5

Red Team: 2.5

Individual Records

Blue Team

Michael Felton: 4-0

Jared Blatt: 2-0-2

James McFadden: 2-1-1

Jeremy Hardy: 2-1-1

Red Team

Trey Zambito: 1-2-1

Johnny Belancic: 1-2-1

Eric Storm: 0-2-2

Jordan West: 0-4

Leading Point Scorers

1. Michael Felton – 4

2. Jared Blatt – 3

3. James McFadden – 2.5

3. Jeremy Hardy – 2.5

5. Trey Zambito – 1.5

5. Johnny Belancic – 1.5

7. Eric Storm – 1

8. Jordan West – 0

MVP: Michael Felton